Stranger Danger

Chapter 533: Joy Bodhisattva

Ye Qing narrowed his eyes a little. Even before the old man had spoken, he already suspected that he was no ordinary person.

Most of the people at the stall were staring at the litter with lustful eyes, but the old man was one of the few whose eyes and expression were as calm and tranquil as a lake.

Now, he was even more certain of his assumption. There was a table between them and the old man’s table, and yet he had appeared next to Yi Pin in the blink of an eye. Anyone who possessed such a potent movement art was someone to be respected.

They said that Bei You was a region of crouching tigers and hidden dragons, and that the random, ordinary-looking guy drinking next to you could be a champion of epic proportions. Ye Qing always thought the claim was a bit of an exaggeration until he literally went through that exact experience.

While Ye Qing’s thoughts were a million kilometers away, Yi Pin and the old man were drinking with each other. If you looked at their straight posture and stern expression only, you might think that they were two esteemed seniors who were deep in discussion about the profound arts. In reality...

“Look at the third woman on the left side of the litter! Now that’s what I call an hourglass figure!”

“The one right in front of her isn’t too bad herself. She might not have the figure, but she’s the epitome of a cute and delicate flower.”

“Look! Look! That’s some of the biggest chests I’ve ever seen!”

Shit. I should’ve moved to a different table.

While Ye Qing was busy regretting his life choices, a sudden movement caught his attention. A feminine arm was reaching out of the curtains, and it was smooth, slender, and almost glowing. Somehow, it was even paler than even the white curtains covering the litter.

It was as if the arm was imbued with some sort of magic. As soon as it appeared, the entire place fell silent, and everyone’s gaze was pulled toward it before they knew it. Even Yi Pin and the old man suddenly dropped their discussion and stared at the arm as if they were hypnotized.

As the arm slowly pushed away the fabric, and a lovely, awe-inspiring figure slowly rose to a sitting position. Everyone began breathing a little faster before they knew it.

When the curtains were fully lifted, and a woman stepped out into the open, it was as if the world itself was fading into the background. For a moment, the woman was the only color that existed in this gray-white world, and not even the sun itself could match her brightness. Countless eyes widened to the absolute limit as they stared blankly at the woman. They were in such a stupor that they had forgotten to breathe.

Even Ye Qing temporarily lost control of his breathing and found himself utterly speechless for a moment.

The woman had silky smooth black hair that cascaded down her back like a waterfall. Her countenance was noble and holy, and she wore a thin white dress that barely concealed her milky skin. The sex marks, sweat and reddish complexion on her neck and other parts of her body made it crystal clear that she was the main actor of the sexual performance earlier, and yet she did not appear depraved or obscene at all. If anything, it was the opposite.

“Bodhisattva...”

As soon as the woman appeared, every disciple bowed their heads with reverence.

“Rise,” The woman whispered. As it turned out, the woman didn’t just possess a holy appearance. Her voice was pure, calm, and untainted by the mortal coil as well.

The woman was barefooted. When she walked, a white lotus would sprout where her foot just left the ground. It truly looked like she was a living goddess who had descended to the world to save the people from suffering.

The disciples of the Buddhist Hall of Joy looked increasingly fervent in their worship, and the common men who were blinded by their lust just a moment ago calmed down. In fact, most of them were bowing their heads in shame and looking away from the woman because they felt that the act was sacrilege.

There were three people who weren’t affected, however. They were the old man, Yi Pin and Ye Qing.

After she stepped off the litter, the woman calmly walked toward the tea stall. In fact, it looked like she was walking straight toward them.

Ye Qing furrowed his brows a little. He suddenly had a bad feeling about this.

After the woman arrived at their table, she glanced at Yi Pin and the old man briefly before turning her attention onto Ye Qing. “Will you become my disciple and study the way of ultimate bliss with me?”

Envy colored everyone’s expression including the disciples of the Buddhist Hall of Joy instantly. They only wished they could be Ye Qing at that moment.

As for Ye Qing, he was having trouble trying to process what was happening. This is our first meeting, and you’re already inviting me to...? I’m not ready yet!

Seeing that Ye Qing wasn’t responding, the woman repeated her request, “Will you become my disciple and study the way of ultimate bliss with me?”

“Ahem...” Ye Qing finally came back to reality and coughed. “Thank you very much for your kind offer, householder[1], but I am used to being unfettered.”

Almost everyone turned around and glared at Ye Qing in shock and anger. The woman herself didn’t seem to anticipate that Ye Qing would reject her. She thought for a moment before asking, “In that case, would you like to study the way of ultimate bliss with me.”

When Ye Qing said he wished to be unfettered, he was implying that he didn’t wish to become her disciple. However, that didn’t apply to the latter half of her offer.

Ye Qing rubbed his nose. “Er, thank you, but no thanks. I’m a scholar, and I have not undergone consummation[2]. It wouldn’t be right for me to break tradition.”

The woman wasn’t giving up, however. She thought for a moment before saying, “In that case, why don’t we marry? You won’t be breaking tradition then.”

“Are you serious?!” Ye Qing blurted. He just couldn’t hold himself. Yi Pin and the old man’s mouth fell open, and even the disciples of the Buddhist Hall of Joy could scarcely believe their ears.

This woman was no ordinary person. She was none other than the head of the Buddhist Hall of Joy, Joy Bodhisattva. She was so famous that her title became a part of a famous saying not just in Bei You, but the entire northern lands, and now she was asking a random guy’s hand in marriage?

What the fuck was going on here?

The woman—Joy Bodhisattva—replied, “Of course. I never lie.”

“Ahem, that’s not what I meant. What I’m trying to say is, aren’t you a monk? I thought marriage is forbidden for those who practice monasticism?”

Joy Bodhisattva replied, “That may be true for other religions, but not the Buddhist Hall of Joy. If my current status bothers you, I can leave my monastic order and serve as your faithful wife.”

As soon as Joy Bodhisattva said this, the disciples of the Buddhist Hall of Joy dropped to their knees and cried in shock and horror, “Bodhisattva, you can’t!”

In response, she glanced at them and said, “Just because I am no longer a monk does not mean I am renouncing the Buddha. Must one convert to embrace the Buddha? Can they not practice his teachings without being a monk?”

“You still have a long way to go before you may free yourselves from the mirages of the mortal coil.”

The disciples bowed their heads in shame. “You are right, Bodhisattva.”

“So, will you be my husband?” Joy Bodhisattva turned back to Ye Qing.

Ye Qing’s mouth opened and closed as he tried to search for the right words. For a long time, they refused to come to him.

I’m not speaking English, right? I’ve rejected her twice—twice! So why is she not getting my meaning? Fuck my life!

Ye Qing coughed again and said as seriously as he could, “Ahem... I am truly sorry, but I am still very young. I don’t plan on getting married any time soon.”

Outrage filled the disciples’ eyes once more. From their perspective, a million Ye Qings weren’t worth a single toe on their Bodhisattva, and yet for whatever reason, Joy Bodhisattva had chosen him to be her husband. He should be thanking his entire bloodline for the impossible luck that just landed in his lap, and yet the sonuvabitch dared to reject their Bodhisattva not once, not twice, but three times! His stupidity and arrogance truly knew no bounds!

Next to Ye Qing, Yi Pin and the old man exchanged an incredulous look with each other while thinking “holy shit” inside their heads. They couldn’t believe that Joy Bodhisattva was offering to marry Ye Qing, and they couldn’t believe that Ye Qing dared to reject her. “Holy shit” was literally the only words they could describe their feelings right now.

Ye Qing could feel the furious gazes threatening to burn his body into a crisp, of course, but he could only feign ignorance. What else could he do, really? He hardly wanted this to happen. He was literally a random passerby watching a show when suddenly, the main actor stepped down from the stage and offered him her hand in marriage. Like what the fuck? Why was this happening?

It was one thing if he knew nothing about her. He could have just turned her down, patted his bum and left the scene without a care for the world. But having heard about the Buddhist Hall of Joy from Yi Pin, having the disciples of the Buddhist Hall of Joy addressing the woman as Bodhisattva, and having felt her vast and unfathomable aura, he would have to a complete idiot not to realize who was standing in front of him.

It was precisely because he didn’t want to insult one of the most influential figures of Bei You that he came up with various excuses and tried to let her down gently again and again. This way, both of them would be able to walk away with their dignity intact. However, his attempts failed miserably because the woman just would not get the hint. He couldn’t even tell if she was playing him or actually serious because religion could do things to a person’s head, and that was doubly true for those who held a high position.

Just how was he going to get out of this situation?

Someone help me!

Translator’s Note: I know this scene is meant to be hilarious, but imagine that your president, prime minister or whatever suddenly walked up to you and asked you to become his husband on TV. And you know that you might wake up with a bullet the next day if you say no.

The MC curse truly has no mercy for MCs.

1. I wanted to copy paste and English definition from Wikipedia but realized they are more focused on the other definitions of 居士. In Chinese, it basically means cultivators (real life). Those who study and practice the ways of Buddhism, Taoism, Confucianism etc. ☜

2. Based on the belief that sex should only happen after marriage. ☜