On Astral Tides: From Humble Freelancer To Astral Emperor

Four Hundred And One

On seeing Eri entering the room behind me, Nie Ling paused for a second, before her eyes widened a little in surprise. “You’re out of your wheelchair?” she asked, and Eri cocked her head, not understanding, until Shiro translated for her.

“Oh, I see.” Eri replied. “Yes, I got better.” Her expression hardened. “I think that doesn’t matter though. What does is… have you thought about the answer to what I asked you last time?”

Once her words were understood, Nie Ling let out a bitter chuckle. “Does that question even have an answer?” she looked at us nervously, before her gaze fell on me. “I have had a lot of time to think though. I do admit this prison is a lot nicer than the ones in China. Nobody has mistreated me, I’ve not been humiliated or disgraced, nor tortured.” She looked at the JSDF Chosen, who was looking at her with a dark expression. “Of course, I’m not fool enough to think you all don’t despise me. The looks on their faces make it plain enough. But it’s been… comfortable.”

“Of course. You are a prisoner brought here by Akio. He would not-not countenance cruelty to females of such a nature.” Shaeula said, indignant. “I am by no-no means trying to say this country is perfect, for I dare say it is not-not, but… they would not-not risk Akio’s ire by mistreating his prisoners.”

“I suppose I’m grateful then.” Nie Ling managed a slight smile. She then turned back to Eri. “I can answer one question though. I don’t want to die. I want to live. My despair was speaking for me, my hopelessness. But… if I don’t want to live, what was it all for?”

“I see you’re not hopeless after all.” Eri said, satisfied. “After what you did, merely giving up… it’s a selfish, wasteful choice.”

“What would you know of it? I’m still only a humble clerk… no, I was.” She said softly. “But you, you’re still a child. You shouldn’t criticise your elders, knowing nothing of what you speak!” Nie Ling was angry, but contrary to what I expected, Eri merely smiled.

“I would rather see you angry than wallowing in unearned self-pity.” she said, Shiro translating with a wince. “The ones that should be pitied are the ones you led to their deaths. And before you say again that I know nothing… I know what it is to fear dying. And before you tell me you faced worse… dead is dead.”

Not really. The flickering spirit flame of Tsukiko-san circling me disproves that. But in general, in all but one-in-a-million longshots, Eri isn’t wrong. “The golden-eyed devourer was indeed a frightening foe. We defeated it, no, a mere part of it, and that pushed us to the very limits. We hurt it, I think, bought us some time… but it’s in China, like some hidden cancer, recovering.” From the standpoint of Japan in the short term, if it is feasting on Cultivators, spiritual beings and Chinese Chosen, that’s a good thing. Reducing the power of our enemies is a win. But from the perspective of wider humanity, and Japan in the longer term, it’s a disaster. Every Divine Favour lost is a blow we might not recover from. If Anesidora’s gift was lost, for example, then we’d not have the buffs on Asha’s Tree, and we’d be far behind in terms of Territory development…

Nie Ling listened to me in silence as I continued. “You wanted to live, but the weight of your guilt is heavy. That speaks well of your character. If you felt no guilt, no shame, over nearly a thousand deaths of innocent men, women and children, then there’d be no saving you. But… did you honestly believe you could trust that creature? It would have devoured you the moment your usefulness expired, just like it did with many others.”

“I know. I know that.” She said, visibly frustrated. “But what was I to do? I was scared, I listened to the others, older, wiser than me. I was a clerk, I processed pointless, boring paperwork, the most trouble I ever had to deal with was making sure that the numbers tallied, and old man Bao wasn’t dipping his hands into the petty cash again!” Her voice rose to a shrill whine. “I’m not capable of trying to change the world, to fight! Even my power that the Duke of Dreams passed on to me isn’t for battle! It’s unfair, cruel, to expect this from me! And then the Department took charge of me, there were the purges… and then that monster… one thing after another, first snakes, then tigers, then dragons, an escalation of my torments!”

“It still was able to kill all those people.” Eri said softly.

“Again, you know nothing!” she cried. “Just because he…” she pointed at me accusingly. “… was strong-willed and gifted with an ability to fight, you think we can all…” she paused as Shiro and Shaeula burst out laughing, while Eri had a triumphant look.

“Aki, strong-willed? He’s a pushover, which is why you’re still alive.” Shiro pointed out, her eyes gleaming crimson, Tan curious about what we were discussing. “I’m no expert on legal matters, but I know enough.” She glanced at the JSDF Chosen, before lapsing back into Japanese. “Soldier boy…” at that, the man grinned, though his face was red, perhaps taken with Shiro’s beauty. Too bad though, it’s all mine. “… putting aside criminal law… the law of war, if we assume that she was legally invading from China, then Aki had the right to kill her like he did the others, as she’d be an active combatant, right? Worse, if matters were as the Chinese have said, and they were acting entirely as terrorists, on behalf of that vile toad, then she has an obligation to face justice under international law. Either way she’s screwed, right?”

As the soldier agreed, Shiro turned back to Nie Ling. “Got a counterargument?”

“No.” she admitted. “But what would you have done if you were me? Just died, faced oblivion?” Nie Ling countered, and Shiro flushed and whistled, embarrassed.

“You have me there. I made a similar choice, which could easily have led to a worse result, but Aki steered me onto the right path. Just like he saved your life.” I thought I heard a snort from Shiro then, but it was likely Tan, I imagined. “You gave a promise in exchange, right? Your Divine Favour. If you don’t want it, let someone else carry the burden.”

“I’d have rather died than do what you did.” I said, resolute. “With great power, we have great responsibilities. And just to clear up your misconception, I didn’t get granted some powerful combat abilities. I earned them, working my way up from scratch, with help from others.” Shaeula puffed out her chest at that proudly. “I was an ordinary freelancer, doing odd jobs in IT. At first, I nearly quit a number of times, when I got hurt, nearly died. But I realised if I did… then who would stop those like you who misused your powers, or like the bastard toad who coerced you? If Eri, Shiro, Shaeula or any of those who aren’t here were to be hurt because I tossed aside my chance to protect them… that’s worse than death.”

“Is it? Maybe so. I don’t have that conviction.” she admitted. “I told you, I’m not brave and strong. But don’t lie to me. If one of them…” she nodded at the girls. “… were held under the threat of oblivion, would you let them perish, or commit evil deeds to save them?”

“He’d never…” Eri began, but Shaeula shook her head.

“A cunning question, Nie Ling.” Shaeula said, her expression cold. “And an unfair one. Akio would indeed sacrifice all for us, his morals, his justice, his heart… but he is not-not so naïve and foolish as you. He would never trust such a creature as that toad to keep its promises. No, give in once and only slavery and worse awaits. He would surely seek another, wiser path to save us, or if not-not, to avenge us.”

“I’d rather die than put Akio through that.” Eri insisted. “But it does make me happy to know what he’d do for us…”

“Yeah, you’re definitely still yandere to the max.” Shiro scoffed at her. “But again, I’m already a hypocrite, as I was saved before I screwed up too badly. Shit, let me turn it around on you.” She addressed Nie Ling once again. “Since you are trying to deflect, you know what you did is wrong.”

“Of course. I am prepared for punishment, I am. But… I honestly don’t know what else I could have done. It isn’t fair…”

“Nor was it fair to kill a thousand to save one life.” I said emphatically. “But you did it, even if not by your own hands. So the question is… what now?”

“I’ve been watching.” She pointed at the TV. “I saw your actions in Britain. It’s easy for you. Your deeds saved lives. But even so, you killed, didn’t you? Is there a difference?”

“Yes. There was a clear difference.” Shiro said. “Aki killed warriors to save others. You killed civilians to save yourself.”

“We’ve been through the laws. I’m sure you are sick of it.” I said to the contemplative Nie Ling. “Legally there were few precedents in civilian law, but the government could apply the law against acts of foreign military aggression, which does carry the death penalty at maximum severity. But there are extenuating circumstances. I’m not going to say your own life isn’t worth anything. That’s what makes this all such a damn mess.” I sighed. “Look, London… those I fought, those who died… they were acting for their own selfish interests. They may have a worthy goal, to protect Earth against threats like the toad… but they went about it wrong. I was protecting others. You were protecting yourself, and worse… helping strengthen a monster who would ruin the world, kill untold numbers.”

She had no answer to that, biting her lip and looking down. “So, is… death the only way for me? It’s just not right. If you are forced to confront someone stripped of free will, used like a puppet, would you kill them, without remorse, knowing their guilt?”

“It’s hardly the same. You still had a choice. It was a shitty choice, but you chose.” Shiro said.

“In that scenario…” I answered her honestly, trying to understand her, and make her understand us. “… assuming I knew they were controlled, I’d try my best to neutralise them, and look to free them of control later. In that case, there’s no way they could be held liable. But… your situation is not the same.” And if I can’t stop them safely, and have to take their lives… I’ll do my best to make amends to their surviving family and friends. Hollow though that is. Sometimes there’s no good answers. The world isn’t black and white. In fact, it’s only going to get murky as time passes and more powers are known and more non-human beings propagate, with their own customs, cultures and laws. Some… some like the Myconids under Duke Myrcolaxriath… they won’t be able to live in harmony…

“Isn’t it?” she said softly. “Is that what you really think? Because you could die, everyone else should make that choice? That’s not fairness, or justice, it’s tyranny!”

“Again, where’s the fairness in sacrificing many others to save yourself?” I said bitterly. “That’s the thing about a shitty situation like this. If you’re wearing white, the shit sticks and shows up everywhere. I swear, villains have it easy…” I paused, reorienting my thoughts. “I admit it. You have my sympathies. You were in a shit situation, and you were terrified, led by others and practically enslaved. But even so, you made choices. Perhaps there were other ways to resist, little acts of defiance that could have prevented this. I don’t know. What I do know is… that toad, he has a reckoning coming.” And not just because Tsukiko-san prophesised that Yukiko-san was destined to face it. The visions were clear enough to surmise that. “The best I can allow is that you were the knife in its hand.”

“A knife doesn’t kill. That analogy sucks.” Shiro pointed out. “Even putting that aside, you promised Aki your Divine Favour for his aid. He paid up. Your soul is safe, so long as the afterlife judges you kindly…” the tips of her hair were crimson now, and her eyes likewise. “… unfortunately, I’m not sure that’ll be the case. So do you want to be an oath breaker as well? You can’t tell me you were coerced to that too? Don’t you want to take any responsibility for anything?”

“A female who does not-not honour her words and promises is worthless.” Shaeula agreed. “Besides…” she looked at me then, knowing my thoughts on the favours the Chosen of Earth were losing day after day. “… you do not-not wish this burden, do you?”

“No, but… it might kill me. I… why did I suffer this? It’s so unfair!” Nie Ling cried out again, eyes sparkling with bitter, salty tears.

“We’re just going in circles.” I said, and after Eri had heard the translation, she slammed her fist into the desk, leaving a satisfying dent, the noise making Nie Ling jump, gazing at Eri wide-eyed.

“So what would be fair?” Eri asked. “If you expect us to treat you fairly, what would be fair to those you sacrificed for your own safety? They had hopes, dreams, sorrows, joys… all gone. Leaving those who survived them with only pain. Were you worth it, Nie Ling? Can you look inside your heart and say they died for something that matters?”

After her harsh words were relayed to her, Nie Ling swallowed nervously. “Of course I feel guilt, the weight gnaws at me. I was ready to die, I was!”

“No, that was merely your way of dealing with the situation. You never really wished to die, to suffer, did you?” I pressed.

“Of course not! Who does? But I felt so helpless, so lost. I was relieved to be free, but what I did… I can’t take it back!” she was sobbing now. “I hate this! I hate it all! I never asked for this, but I was tossed around, trapped by the whims of those stronger than me! I just… don’t want to feel such pain anymore!”

“Me, I understand. I’ve done some bad things… Tan has, anyway, and that’s the same thing. But… I’m making amends. Sure, in my case it’s easy, as I get to help out the guy I love… but when it comes down to it, even if Aki was to die now… once I avenge his death, I’ll carry on his work. A more equal partnership with Tan, one that protects people, the Earth.”

“I too.” Shaeula agreed. “I can not-not survive without Akio, for my spirit is bound to his with an unshakeable bond. But while we endure, we will create a better-better world, for both Fae and mortals. Yōkai too.”

Eri sighed, she leaned on the dented table, looking Nie Ling in her watery eyes. “They shine, don’t they? Because they are both strong in their own way. I’m not. I’m like you. Weak, pathetic. Pushed along by others.” She admitted. “I’m trying to be more. I nearly lost everything because I couldn’t trust in my own will, answer my own wishes. That’s my sin, and yours too. I feel sad those people died, and thinking of their families, what they must be feeling, it’s definitely upsetting. But that’s all. I’m not them, my life goes on. It’s cold, but… that’s who most people are. We want the best for ourselves, those we care about, and… we’ll prioritise that above all else.”

Nie Ling was surprised, as Eri’s words, who had been so cold and cruel to her on this and her last visit, seemed to be supporting her. As she heard the translation, her eyes widened.

“The law is one thing. Maybe we can say your death is justice. It would certainly help heal the hearts of those who lost family, friends, co-workers, more. But that’s it. Your death would be a brief joy, but it won’t erase the harm done.” Eri continued. “As for prison… that seems stupid to me. I mean, this is pretty nice. It’s bigger than my room was at home, and our TV was tiny and didn’t have nearly so many channels. Besides, all prison does is keep you feeling sorry for yourself.”

“So what then?” Nie Ling asked. “What do you think I deserve? What punishment for poor, foolish Nie Ling, who wanted to save herself?”

“I don’t care. Punishment doesn’t matter to me. They weren’t my precious people you helped kill.” Eri said. “What I care about, is the living, those I do love. And to keep them safe, I’ll use anything I can. You promised Akio. Your Favour. He needs it. Either give it up, and face the Japanese justice system, or choose another path. A harder path, maybe, but I think a better one.”

“A question for you.” I said, shaking my head. “You’ve heard of the trolley problem, right?”

Nie Ling nodded. “Yes, kill one to save five. It is a thought experiment.”

“In your case, the one was you, and instead of five, it was a thousand. No, if not stopped, many more. If that one person wasn’t you, or someone you cared about, could you pull the lever and condemn so many for the sake of one? How many people could do that? Not many at all, I’d wager.”

She looked down, understanding, and Shiro was next to speak. “You aren’t a knife. Aki wasn’t right with that one. I consider you a bus.” She smiled harshly. “You loaded all these people in, and drove them into the heart of the slums, where you knew a gang was waiting to rob and kill them. Legally… that’s not murder. Morally… I’d say it is.”

“The thing is… what if the one person was going to invent a cure for cancer that saves countless lives?” Eri joined in. “I think many more people could pull the lever then and kill thousands. After all, a few thousand is less than millions. But those thousands still had lives, had value.”

“I don’t understand what you are trying to say.” She said to Eri, frustrated. “Are you saying my choice was right?”

Her first slammed the table again, and Nie Ling jumped nervously. “No, are you listening? Of course what you did was wrong. But was there a choice that was right? Say a young child hostage was filled with explosives and some bastard had her hooked up to a remote detonator. She was running towards a crowd, and you had a rifle. The only way to stop her is to shoot and kill her, so the bomb detonates harmlessly distant. Could you shoot? If you do, you are killing a poor, tortured little girl enslaved by an evil man. If you don’t, many people, including other poor little girls, die. And the bomb girl dies anyway.”

“That’s me, isn’t it?” Nie Ling said suddenly. “Are you saying…”

“She’s saying she understands. You’re a scared, tormented little girl. But you were doomed whatever happened, whatever choice you made. All of you were.” Shiro interjected.

“So it was all for nothing. The guilt, the suffering…” she lowered her head to the battered desk, weariness and pain on her face. “Perhaps then it’s better to die, to have a clean ending…”

“No, it isn’t.” I disagreed. “Because in this case, the girl who blew up survived, and perhaps will grow up to be someone who cures cancer in her future.” I mixed our metaphors shamelessly. Now’s the time to be as persuasive as possible… Making sure my Majesty and Charm were flowing unabated, my League strengthening it, I pressed on. “The dead are just that. Dead. I don’t intend to minimise them, and I believe in as much justice as possible. But better than justice is restitution, and better still is saving many others, who otherwise might not be.”

Eri was blushing, staring at me, as was Shaeula. Tan had taken over for Shiro, keeping her calm, and the JSDF Chosen seemed rather overawed. Nie Ling was looking at me like a mouse might look at a snake, and nervously licked her lips, before speaking haltingly. “I… you think I can save so many? I’m not a fighter, I’m weak. I just wanted to live a modest, ordinary life…”

“Regardless, your Divine Favour has awesome power. It’s just sad that you ended up using it for mass murder. Trust me. I don’t want it for that. I’m not a good person. I’ll be as good as I can be, to save those that matter, but if I have to perform small evils, defer justice, I’ll do it, so long as the medicine cures the cancer ailing the world.”

“You can still give up your Favour, girl.” Tan said, eyeing her curiously. “This one here is surprisingly skilled in the field of subtle bodies and Chirurgery. There will be pain, yes, but you are unlikely to die, or suffer injuries that cannot be healed. But to do so… it is a good deed, yes, but will it bring you peace?”

“I told you, don’t make that cowardly, weak choice. Even if you are a weak coward, hold fast to what strength you do have.” Eri managed to tear her gaze away from me, face flushed. “I don’t care about justice either. I don’t want Akio to do evil, but if it prevented him suffering… besides, this isn’t about good or evil. I pity you, Nie Ling. I do. I’m not selfless, I told you that before. So I do understand. But… everything has a price. This way… you can make amends. The dead won’t ever come back, but the broken hearts of the living can heal. If their deaths had meaning, if they weren’t just the acts of a coward, doing the bidding of a monster.”

Tan translated, before Shaeula laughed. “If their deaths had meaning. If your life-life has meaning.” she said to the prisoner. “It is a simple, yet hard choice. You chose your life, and now you know-know you wish to live. But the pain, the guilt… it has not-not gone. It is merely buried inside. Make amends for that, else you will live burdened by grief. For you are not-not strong. Yet you have the potential to make others strong.”

“I didn’t want to do any of this. I promise…” she whispered sadly. “I wasn’t driven my revenge or hatred. Just fear…”

“Then the choice is obvious.” I said, and she nodded.

“But… how can I even balance the scales? Whether I was wrong or not… my hands are still covered in blood.” She whimpered, looking down at them.

“You do the best you can.” I told her. “Just as I have to take responsibility for what I’ve done. Shiro too. And what we’ll do in the future, down here in the mud and the shit. As long as we do as much good as we can, and minimise the evil, it’ll have to do. We may have been given power by the gods, but we aren’t gods ourselves…”

Tan smiled at that but said nothing. We waited for Nie Ling to speak. Eventually she did so, eyes red with tears both shed and unshed. “It’s selfish, but I don’t want to feel the guilt anymore. But… death, it’s frightening. It was easy to lash out, blame others, say I’d accept punishment. But I don’t want that. I… if I could make amends, then… please, please tell me how!” she urged me, and I felt a trace of guilt about how our words had cornered her.

It's one of these small evils. I have to make sure that I don’t become accustomed to manipulating people, just to suit myself. But in this case… it’s necessary. “Use your ability for saving others. Save many more than you led to their deaths, and those who remain behind can at least have that closure.”

“But can I? I’m a prisoner…” she said, and the soldier accompanying us shrugged.

“If you know your history, after the War, many Japanese scientists were offered political asylum in America. This is no different. Considering some of my comrades, good soldiers all, died in your invasion, I can’t say I like it…”

As Tan translated, Nie Ling grew pale at his anger, but his final words relieved her.

“… but I am a soldier. We sometimes have to choose between the lesser of two evils as well, and a lesser evil is still evil. But I’ll take an evil that could prevent further death and dying.”

“A political parole.” I said solemnly. “But obviously conditional on a number of issues.” I had consulted with Motoko’s grandfather, the Prime Minister, the head of the Ministry and more, a number of times. This is the best solution, but she has to show genuine remorse. Otherwise we’d be best taking her Favour and allowing the law to run its course. Perhaps that would lead to a sympathetic jury siding with her and freedom, or perhaps not. “You’ll work under us, using your powers. In exchange, you’ll have limited freedom.”

“I see. I…” she blinked, scrubbing away her tears. “… I want to live at least until the monster that tormented me gets its just desserts. Only then can I ever apologise to those I’ve hurt, killed…” she paused. “I’d like to see the Department for Managing of Divine Mysteries burn, and all those who oppressed me pay too…”

“You are quite-quite the vengeful female. But I understand.” Shaeula declared. “Akio will be assuming responsibility for you. Any further problems you cause will be his-his to bear. So…”

“I understand. I won’t cause trouble. I’ll be as compliant as the mouse under the tiger’s paw.” She promised. “But… how will I live? I don’t even speak Japanese. I’m just a clerk who was cursed by the gods…”

“Obviously we’ll cover your living expenses. They won’t be luxurious. After all, this is penance, right? But we won’t be cruel either. You can live comfortably.” I promised. “But the Prime Minister requires some surety.”

“I understand. I’ll do as you say.” She had turned meek now.

“Don’t be like that.” Eri sighed. “Compared to those of your allies who died or worse, you’re getting off lightly. Because, contrary to what you think, we do sympathise with your tragic circumstances. So put your all into making amends, and when you have, then your life is your own again. That’s your punishment, and also your redemption. You were unlucky, but all over the world, people suffer misfortune and have to deal with the unfairness of it regardless.”

“That’s true. So, what must I do?” she asked us, and I explained that first I would need her to agree to be my Vassal, and then Shaeula would use her befuddling winds, merely to ensure she did not flee, or use her abilities to harm others except in self-defence.

“.. and then I’ll put you to work. Making the world a better place.” I promised her. Her power synergised incredibly well with Laverna’s, during the invasion. Now it looks like Ginneka will finally take this adherence-sapping burden from me, having Nie Ling working together with her offers many opportunities. And … I would never have made the decision to kill so many other innocent people to save myself, but she was right. To save those I loved… I pray I never end up where Nie Ling has. So, even though I can’t condone her actions, I do have some forgiveness for her…

The notification of having a new Vassal flared amber in my eye. There was no announcement of a Vassal Territory, because she currently didn’t have one, but that was fine. For now I want to hold off on placing more Territories until both Tokyo and Kyoto are Rank 4. That won’t be too long, thanks to the Tree. Then we can quickly set down a number of Territories where we need them and push them to Rank 3 with relative ease…

As Shaeula worked her befuddling winds, Nie Ling pledging not to flee or harm others except in certain circumstances, the jade glow flickering behind me, I was asked by Shiro, now back in control, whether I was happy with this, Eri eagerly awaiting my answer.

“Happy? There’s nothing to be happy about. If someone with the Divine Favour of Omoikane, kami of wisdom, is out there, I wish they’d share some of that wisdom with me, so I can make the best choice. But all I can do is make the best choice for now. I think this balances punishment, mercy, restitution and also gives her a chance to address her own pain and guilt. It’s not perfect, but it’s what we can do right now. The government is continuing to financially support those affected, and she can earn the money to repay that. And save other lives. She’ll always have to live with her choice, but…”

“You’re too soft-hearted, Aki.” Shiro sighed. “Like I said, I made the same choice. I just never reached the point where I took innocent lives.”

“What about the other prisoners?” the JSDF Chosen asked.

“The Cultivators? They were the ones who didn’t bloody their own hands and surrendered, in the main. They are still culpable, but probably less so than Nie Ling. Daiyu is busy right now, but she’ll come and assess them, and any who are suitable, they can get the same deal.” I sighed. “It’s not justice, but it’s for the best. The needs of the many, the world, outweigh what she did. Though the families of the victims likely won’t agree. But the true culprit is the golden-eyed devourer, she was right about that. And I’ll see that the dead get that justice.” There were the few surviving Renyu as well, serving their penance on the shores of my Territory, constantly watched. Their families held hostage are likely already gone, they probably were before the Renyu ever reached Japan… “No, there’s no outcome here that isn’t going to leave a foul taste in my mouth. But like I said earlier, when the situation is shit what can we do but get filthy?”

“Such a delightful metaphor.” Shiro laughed. “On form as always, Aki. So, what next?”

“Motoko’s grandfather will sort out her parole details and the rest of her matters, seeing as she’s a military prisoner. As for us…” I paused, before smiling broadly. “… since the pieces are falling into place, it’s time to put our newfound wealth and connections to good use…”