Merchant Crab

“Nice!” said Balthazar to himself, the scroll page still held open in his pincers.

[Revealing skill…]

The crab tapped his legs impatiently on the old floor stones, waiting for the text to change.

What’s taking so long to reveal a skill? I don’t got all day!

After what felt like a small eternity of the system rummaging through Balthazar’s brain, the text finally moved on.

[Imbuing]

[Skill - F tier]

[Requirements: 10 CHA, 8 INT]

[Cost: 15 mana]

[Would you like to learn this skill?]

[Yes] [No]

The crab frowned at the text in front of him.

Wait a minute. Isn’t that the skill I had before in the old system and that the crow said nobody used anymore in the new one?

He reminisced about his old golden shell, and his silver and iron claws.

I sure miss those, but if Imbuing sucks now, do I really want this skill? It even says it right there, F tier. That’s the lowest tier of skill! This thing is going to be worthless, I just know it!

With loud chewing noises and plenty of gurgling in the background from the delighted slime, Balthazar continued pondering as he paced back and forth with the scroll still held open in his claws, beaming its words into his eyes.

At the same time, even a bad skill is probably still better than no skills, right? I wish this scroll had something better, but what can I expect from something that was just vomited out of a pile of snot? Ah, screw it, what do I have to lose?

With his usual crabby attitude, the merchant pressed “Yes” on the prompt.

The surface of the page in front of him shined with a blinding glow that flooded the crab’s vision as it pierced straight into his mind like pins and needles assault his brain matter.

“Ow, ow, ow!” he cried out, dropping the scroll and rubbing his eyes with the backs of his claws.

Just as quickly as it came, the unpleasant feeling went away, leaving Balthazar staring at the floor wondering what had just happened inside his shell.

Do I… know how to imbue now?

Confused, the crustacean brought up his familiar stat sheet, and with excitement, he found the Imbuing skill now listed under his other attributes.

Alright! And I know exactly what is the first thing I want to try.

Reaching into his Bag of Holding Money, Balthazar pulled out a single gold coin, holding it between his pincers.

Please work! I miss being golden and shiny so much!

Squeezing his eyes shut, the crab attempted to activate his newly learned skill, but nothing happened.

[Skill activation failed]

[Requirements for skill not met: 8 INT]

[Insufficient mana: 10/15]

Balthazar’s eyes snapped open, and he read the warning with a scowl.

“Oh come on!” the crab exclaimed loudly in great frustration. Despite that, Montgomery still seemed too busy savoring the moldy bread to pay him any mind.

Now I need more Intellect? What the hell! I already put all my points into Charisma. And mana?! I don’t want not stinking mana, I’m not a mage!

The cantankerous crab crossed his arms, as if expecting the lifeless system in his eyes to suddenly change its mind at the face of his tantrum.

Unsurprisingly, the text in his eyes cared not for his displeased mood.

Argh, guess I’ll have to find some way to level up more and spend more points into that stuff. There’s always something!

Frustrated, but resigned, Balthazar turned to the gates of the chamber, which had just clicked open.

“Aha! I told you I still knew how to lock pick, Tom,” said Jim, the skeleton in bright green shorts, stepping into the room with his pointy bone finger held up in front of him like a key.

Following behind him came a few more skeletons, led by Tom, still holding Sal’s skull in his hands.

“Balthazar!” called the other merchant, with concern across his expression. “Are you alright? Did that thing hurt you?”

“Oh, don’t worry, just a few harmless nibbles,” said the crab. “Montgomery isn’t so bad after all.”

If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it's taken without the author's consent. Report it.

“Montgomery?” said the skeleton, raising his brow ridge.

“Yes? The slime right there. Did you not know its name?”

“Well… no. We were too worried about it sucking the marrow out of our bones, or bringing the roof down on our skulls, to ask if it had a name.”

“Alright, well, now you know,” said the smug crab. “And Montgomery shouldn’t be as much of a problem from now on, so long as you provide it with a more suitable diet.” He turned to the satisfied slime, its body quietly purring like a kitten as it finished absorbing the bread. “Isn’t that right, Montgomery.”

“Huh? Wha… Oh, right, of course, Balthazar,” said the giant ooze, in a lazy tone. “So long as I can have more delicious bread like this, you don’t need to worry about me, I’ll just be over… taking a nap now… for a bit…”

A quiet whistling noise came from between the slime’s folds as it seemed to slip into a peaceful sleep.

“Ah, post-snack nap, I can certainly relate,” Balthazar said. “Nothing mellows out a fierce temper like some baked treats. I’d know!”

Tom stared at the crab with a smile of disbelief, slowly shaking his head.

“You just can’t help it, can you?” he said. “No matter who you meet or where you go, you just end up finding friends in the most unlikely places, don’t you?”

Balthazar rolled his eyes. “Oh, come on now, Montgomery and I are hardly friends. Just another satisfied customer.”

“That’s all nice and good,” interjected the bearded skull sitting in Tom’s hands, “but what exactly are we supposed to do with our resident booger now?”

“Right,” said the crustacean. “The good news is that you shouldn’t need to feed it any more money or gear anymore. It has found the joys of baked goods now. You will have to bring it bread from now on, however. A lot of bread, I’d imagine. Don’t worry about it being fresh, though. In fact, the moldier, the better, I think.”

Tom scratched the side of his skull.

“Sure, alright, but… we are underground, in a dungeon, beneath a crypt, and we’re all skeletons… who don’t eat…” He leaned closer to the crab. “Where are we gonna get baked products?”

Balthazar’s eyes rolled to the side. “Oh… That’s a good point. I hadn’t really considered that.”

“I mean, I know one baker, but I’m pretty sure she’s not really available to take orders right now, is she?”

The crab shook his shell up and down. “Yes, I get it, no need to give me even more reasons to keep trying to find her, Tom. When we bring her back home I’ll make sure to tell her about your business opportunity. Meanwhile, I guess the only other baker I know is the one I met in Ardville who sold me this loaf.”

“Oi, crab-o,” called Jim, who was standing next to the regurgitated loot pile along with a couple of other skeletons, all of them looking around confused at the aftermath of the crab and slime’s encounter.

“Yes?” said Balthazar.

“So, is this loot now technically yours, or can we take it back into the dungeon’s stockpile? Because we were running real low on stuff to put in our trap chests.”

The merchant looked at the spilled gear. As much as he was not one to pass up on free merchandise, he also knew he needed to be practical. He was not at his bazaar anymore, and he had no easy way to carry all the boxes, swords, and pieces of armor that Montgomery kindly puked at his feet, not even with his magical backpack. Plus, they smelled funky now.

“You know what, sure, you guys can take the gear back, it was my pleasure to help return it,” said the friendly crab with a smile from eyestalk to eyestalk. “I’m still keeping the coins, though, for risking my chitin.”

The skeleton in shorts shrugged. “Fair enough. Hey, Bob, help me carry these out of here, will ya?”

As the skeletons started carrying the gear and boxes out of the chamber, Montgomery’s body shook, and it awoke from its light slumber.

The creature was still golden, but its tone seemed to take a slightly different shade now, and its body mass seemed slightly smaller, perhaps due to the releasing of the items it was absorbing.

“Huh? Hmm? What happened?” said the groggy slime, startled by the working skeletons.

“All good, Montgomery, don’t worry,” said Balthazar, skittering closer to the blob. “I was talking with the guys and everything’s settled. They will start bringing you more of that delicious bread, but from now on you also have to play nicer, alright? No more slamming the ground and threatening to bring the whole place down.”

Despite its lack of a face, the creature’s semi-transparent expression seemed surprised.

“Really? You arranged that for me?”

“Of course! That’s what I do, I make great deals! But now it’s up to you to stick to your end of the deal. Can you do that?”

The slime’s voice was far less deep and threatening than before, now a much smoother and amicable tone.

“Yes, I… I think I can do that.”

“Great!” said the crab. “Maybe, for a start, you could come down from those support pillars you’ve been holding hostage all this time, hmm?”

Montgomery’s eye bubbles glanced at the stone beams it was glued to, and it was as if the creature’s body shrunk slightly before it spoke in a subdued tone.

“I’m… afraid I can’t do that anymore, Balthazar.”

“What do you mean?” asked the merchant.

“We slimes have two stages to our lives. The first, when we move around freely, small and mobile, and then the second, after we find our chosen habitat and settle down, fusing ourselves with it as we consume whatever source of sustenance we found, growing as big as we can. I was running out of time when I found this place. I was weak and dying. So I fused with the limestone around me. And, well… you know the rest.”

“So now…”

“So now I don’t think I can leave this place anymore. I’m stuck here permanently.”

The crab paused for a moment, looking down from the slime to the floor and then the room around them, reflecting silently.

“I’m sorry,” said Montgomery. “It’s not like I wouldn’t leave if I could, but…”

“No, I get it,” said the crab, raising a claw. “Strange as it might seem to you, I get what you mean.”

“I swear I won’t do anything to the pillars or the dungeon at all, though!”

“It’s alright, I believe you,” Balthazar said solemnly. “I’ll talk with Tom and the others, make sure we arrange something so you can stay here. No one will make you leave your territory if you can’t choose to do it yourself.”

The crab turned to leave when the slime spoke again, in a hesitant way.

“Hey, Balthazar, wait.”

“Yes?” said the crab, turning back to the creature.

“I just wanted to say… thanks, and, if it’s not too much, ask for one more thing.”

“What is it?”

“If you can, will you… will you come and visit me again some time?” said Montgomery. “I had never really gotten to converse with anyone ever since I got smart enough to, you know… talk, and all the way down here, by myself, I’d just really like it if we could do it again.”

Balthazar’s eyestalks raised slightly in surprise, which was soon replaced by a sincere smile.

“Sure, I can do that. But only under the condition that you don’t try to digest me again!”

The crab’s joke made the slime laugh, a bizarre sound that echoed around the chamber like something otherworldly, but that still felt earnest and friendly.

“I can do that, no problem,” Montgomery said. “You might be an alright crab, but you still taste awful.”

As Balthazar skittered back to the skeletons, he noticed they were all converging around Sal’s skull, which was now placed on top of a broken stone column nearby, staring attentively at something.

“Hey, guys? What’s happening?” he asked, getting slightly worried.

As he joined them, he saw that what the skull was looking at was a firefly, which had landed on the stone surface in front of him and was blinking rapidly in a strangely precise pattern.

“Sal’s got a message from above,” explained Tom.

“Oh yeah?” said the crab, with a raised eyestalk. “Something going on up there?”

The skeleton merchant turned to Balthazar with a big grin on his face.

“This is when the fun begins,” he said. “Adventurers just entered the dungeon.”