Livid Guardian's Endless Coddling

Chapter 602: Not a friend

Ivan had waited for her return for many years, so the time she was asking was far too less in front of it. Yet, he felt this time was going to have a greater impact on them than the past many years.

However, he knew forcing her beside him would be the worst thing he could do for her. She had battled for nine years and now, she was repenting of her actions of nine years and it will take time. If she wasn't taking time, then she would have probably faked it.

He felt like he was answering in the most difficult exam where he was expected to fail. His heart weighed down when he accepted her for what she wanted. "Alright." One could easily guess, he was forcing himself to say it.

Arna who was struggling with herself, who was feeling trapped, who felt like she was going to make a mistake without awareness, wanted to run out. She wanted to calm herself and think rationally. So hearing Ivan, she forced a smile through her held breath and turned around to leave quickly.

She had just taken a step when she felt a tug at her hand. She twirled around and pulled towards Ivan. Before she could grasp what was happening, she crashed on Ivan and he wrapped his arms around her.

Ivan tightened his arms. He couldn't know why he was fearing to let go of her. He didn't want their two weeks to continue and eventually both become strangers. He didn't want to see them face that day. His heart was drumming in fear of losing, he took a deep breath, unknowingly, tightening his arms furthermore, "I will wait for you." He was letting her know he will be expecting her return.

Arna was frozen in his arms, she felt her resolve to weaken, she wanted to cry. Crying out everything as she always did around him and he would stay by her until he made sure she was fine. 

She wanted to break down again if that could help her become stronger. However she felt selfish, she didn't want everyone to worry about her, or pity her. She didn't want them to waste time on her when all she had given them was pain.

But his warm embrace was melting the walls she had created over weeks to keep herself strong. She was afraid of taking advantage of his kindness, so she wanted to leave immediately. She tried to push him but he further enveloped her in a stronghold.

She managed to catch his words and vigorously nodded at him before she pushed him and strode towards the door. Tears threatened to roll down her face but she held it in, determined to leave from there.

She halted at the door at the realization she was again focusing on her emotions. She closed her eyes and tears rolled down on her cheek as she took deep breaths.

She was trying to compose, calm her heart and talk to Ivan but her body froze in shock.  'Ivan hugged me!?' It was always her who gave him hugs and if he did, it was always a friendly shoulder hug, if not hugging her to coaxing. But this wasn't any of it and Ivan wasn't the one who gets physically close to anybody, not even her.

'Am I overthinking?' She gulped nervously, her eyes moved uneasily without focusing anywhere. 'Am I again hoping selfishly?' She was failing to differentiate between reality and her wishes. 

She hesitatingly turned around to look at Ivan. And there he stood where he was, unwaveringly looking at her. She felt him waiting for her when she was still standing there.

Images of Ivan standing while she was walking away appeared in her mind like a carousel.  She had walked away in the airports without turning back when he always stood there watching her back. She had walked away from him at many places, yet he stood there watching her back.

She never turned back to him because she didn't want to behave like a clingy one-sided lover. She never wanted to show she was hating to leave his side when he wasn't accepting her. She was stubborn to hide her rolling tear whenever she walked away from him. 

Now she felt like she didn't leave him at the water fountain park. He was still standing where she had left him nine years back. But he was the one who wasn't ready to accept her. She hadn't asked him once or twice. She had confessed, asked him out many times, in different ways. If once emotionally, then seriously, then humorously, cheerfully, and also teasingly. And every time he had rejected?

Arna blinked with another tear rolling down her smooth pink cheeks. He never rejected her but avoided responding to her. 'Was he waiting for me to return?' She could only come to that conclusion. And there was a tiny part of her, still afraid if it was all her imagination and overthinking.

The silence was suffocating yet it was required. They stared at each other without knowing what to say. Ivan wanted to stand by her, help her collect herself, get herself back. He wasn't going to take advantage of weak time, but seeing her leave his side, he didn't know if he had the right to be with her.

Arna breathed slowly, she had felt it was difficult to walk up to him at the thought of their two weeks apart. Now the distance felt more profound and difficult. Nonetheless, she was ready to face it even if it's not in her favor.

She moved her heels to a small step towards Ivan and saw his frozen state come alive. She took another step and again to gather the courage that she had lost. After it, she ran into arms and coiled her arms around him. The tears made their way down her cheeks when he embraced her back, not as a friend.

Arna cried harder, wrapping her arms tighter around him, unwilling to let go. She didn't know why she was actually crying when she should be celebrating in joy. She cried overwhelmed with emotions. She hated herself for leaving, for not returning soon, for not reading his hidden emotions, for assuming he treated her as a friend just because he never accepted her in words.