Kitsune in the Shadows

Chapter 54 – What’s Behind Us

I started with a light jog, gradually making my way around the room. After only a single lap, Raynelle stopped me just to check on how I was doing. She gave me some water before telling me to go again, but a bit faster than before. She made me repeat this over and over again.

It got to a point where I couldn’t remember how many laps I had done. Sometimes, Raynelle would run alongside me to set the pace, though no matter how many times she did, she didn’t seem to be even slightly tired. Meanwhile, as soon as I tried sprinting a lap, I collapsed, though fortunately, Raynelle caught me before I hit the ground.

“Guess that’s as far as you go today,” Raynelle chuckled before handing me some more water, “I will say, you went on for quite a bit longer than I thought you’d manage.”

I took the water, immediately drinking it as quickly as I could manage.

“Whoa there, slow down a bit. You’ll make yourself sick,” She said, placing her hand on my wrist to try to slow me down.

But it didn’t matter; the feeling of the cool liquid travelling down my throat was just so relieving that I didn’t care if I might feel sick afterwards. I only let go once there was no more water left.

“Better,” I muttered to myself between heavy breaths.

“Well, I’m glad you’re feeling better now,” Raynelle laughed a bit as she stood up, “Can you stand? Or am I going to have to carry you back home?”

“I-I can stand…” I responded.

At least…

I think I can…

I used my hands to push off the ground, trying to balance myself on my feet as I did. It wasn’t easy, but I eventually managed to stand myself up, even if my legs were a little wobbly.

“That’s good. Going for a short walk should help you wind down a bit easier. But if at any point you feel you might fall over, just tell me, okay?” She said as she wrapped my cloak around my shoulders.

“I will,” I shakily took a step forward.

Raynelle slowly led me out of the training room, always staying right next to me just in case I needed to lean on something for support. The guild had gotten a lot busier during the time we spent here. There were crowds of people all through the building carrying all sorts of weapons, from swords to spears and even a few people with bows. Yet, strangely, I didn’t see anyone who looked like a mage or even a healer.

Beni told me they were a little rare… But I didn’t think there wouldn’t be any.

Raynelle gave the key back to the man at the counter before guiding me out of the guild. Her size helped us to move through the crowd, as whenever people laid eyes on her, they would move over to the side.

The walk back itself wasn’t very eventful, though I did come close to falling on my face a few times, but thankfully, I always managed to catch myself. Once we arrived at the house, I immediately made my way over to a chair and sat down, my legs immediately thanking me. Raynelle came in just behind me.

“You’re back already?” Ava poked her head out from the kitchen right as Raynelle closed the door behind her.

“What do you mean already? We’re back just in time for lunch,” Raynelle turned to face me, “Although, before we do any eating, I think it would be good for us to wash up first, don’t you think Kierra?”

Wash up?

I quietly looked over myself, noticing just how sweaty I had gotten.

…

“Mhm.”

“Then I’ll leave the two of you to it,” Ava headed into the kitchen before calling back out, “It’ll be ready by the time you’re done.”

“Well, you heard her. The sooner we finish washing up, the sooner we can eat,” Raynelle pointed towards the bathroom.

“Okay,” I stood myself back up before making my way into the bathroom.

As soon as I heard the door close behind me, I started taking off my shirt, struggling just a little as it stuck to my skin. However, just before I got it off, I heard a single footstep behind me and immediately pulled it back down.

I wasn’t alone!

What if-?

I spun around to see who it was.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t expect you to jump so much,” Raynelle had come in with me, “You were a bit shaky on the walk back, so I was just going to help you clean yourself off. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

That…

It… would help, but…

That scar… I…

Even after all the time that had passed, that scar still reminded me of that day. While it was a bad memory for me, I also knew that Ovia couldn’t help but blame herself for what happened that day. Someone else seeing that… I knew she would blame herself.

I just…

I took a step back from Raynelle, still unsure as to whether she had seen the scar in that brief moment.

Raynelle’s smile almost immediately faded, “Kierra? What’s going on?”

“I-I…” I frantically tried to figure out what the right thing to say was.

“Something tells me this is about more than just being a little surprised,” She pulled out two stools and gestured for me to sit on one while she sat on the other, “Do you want to tell me about it? I’m more than ready to listen, no matter what’s going on.”

But I…

I…

I sat on the stool across from Raynelle but stayed silent.

…

Can I-?…

But…

…

Should I-?…

…

“You can take your time,” Raynelle said, putting a hand on my knee, “If it’s something you’re worried about, you can trust me, okay? If you want me to, I can even keep this a secret from Ava. Does that sound good? It can just be something between me and you.”

…

…

“… But…” It took a while, but I managed a single word.

Raynelle didn’t say anything. All she did was tighten her grip on my knee just slightly.

Should I tell her?…

…

I… I know nothing will change… but…

…

I swallowed deeply.

…

I thought back to all the times Raynelle had helped me before and everything else she had done for me. Even though I still didn’t know why she was like this, somehow, I just knew that she would try and help me, even if it was something like this.

…

“I…” I swallowed again, “I… have a scar…”

“Okay, and where is this scar?” Raynelle asked, her eyes never leaving mine.

…

“… Back…” I squeaked out.

“Okay… so you have a scar on your back?”

I nodded.

“And you don’t want me to see it?”

I nodded again.

Raynelle paused for a while, seemingly deep in thought, “… Why don’t you want me to see it?”

I was a little taken aback by her question.

I thought she would ask to see it…

…

It…

“It… reminds me…” I couldn’t get any more words out.

Raynelle let go of my knee and instead grabbed my hands, “So, it reminds you of when you got it.”

I nodded, even though there was more to it than just that.

Raynelle went back to thinking, her grip on my hands gradually getting tighter until she suddenly let go.

“I… understand…” I could hear the uncertainty in her voice, “I’m… the same way.”

The same?…

“In the same place too,” Raynelle let out a flat chuckle that even I could tell was forced, “But… I… No… what am I trying to do? It’ll be easier to just tell you the full story… I hope that it will help you with whatever you’re worried about a bit… and don’t think I’m trying to get you to do the same… it took me many years to come to terms with everything, so I don’t expect you to suddenly figure everything out.”

A story?

I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I could see in Raynelle’s eyes that it was difficult for her to come to this decision. So, I waited patiently for her to start telling her story.

“This… started around twenty-five years ago now… before either Ava or you were born… At the time, I had a few years as a mercenary under my belt, but I had already begun to grow tired of it. I myself was nothing special. I knew how to use a sword and was probably better with it than most, but that was about it.”

A mercenary?

“That all changed during one request… The request itself was nothing special, just escorting this moderately wealthy man over to the next village. All I really cared about was the pay… at least that was how I felt when I initially took up the request,” Raynelle’s expression softened a little, “I wasn’t the only person who took up that request, which wasn’t unusual, but there was this one person who came with us who… caught my eye so to speak… a man… who didn’t seem to know his right foot from his left. He was a mage, but an unusual one, to say the least.”

“He had an obsession with spirits… He couldn’t see them, he couldn’t hear their voices, yet he was still absolutely obsessed with them. He would tell everyone about his ideas, about his research… about this idea that if he could somehow communicate with them, he could pioneer a whole new field of magic. One that didn’t rely on natural talent or some ancient relic… but that’s not what’s important…. We spent quite a lot of time together during the request and even after. We would take on requests together, travelling all over the place… we became good friends in only four years… that is until… I ended up proposing to him…”

Proposing?

As in marriage?

I didn’t know quite what to think. When Raynelle was hesitant to tell me the story, I didn’t expect this.

Then… where-?…

A smile crept across Raynelle’s face, but it wasn’t a smile that she had ever shown me before. There was something deeper behind her eyes, something I just couldn’t grasp.

“It was a little embarrassing at the time,” Raynelle chuckled, “He had apparently been planning on proposing to me for a while but just couldn’t find the confidence to take the leap. So, I ended up taking him completely by surprise… We had our wedding pretty soon after that and decided to settle down in a village in the middle of nowhere so he could continue his research into spirits without being bothered… It was good… very good… we were even discussing having a child at the time…”

Raynelle’s expression started to darken, “One issue with living in such a secluded area is… a lack of support if anything goes wrong… all you’ve got is yourself and maybe a few neighbours… And we… we were just… unlucky… there really isn’t another word for it… a group of bandits decided to raid the village… we were caught completely off guard, but my husband and I were all that village had to fend them off…”

A tear ran down Raynelle’s cheek, but she quickly wiped it away, “We immediately split up. I went around, getting everyone I could inside a small warehouse before barricading the door while my husband did what he could to hold the bandits back… He used whatever flashy spells he could just to make them hesitate for a bit longer… As soon as I was sure I had secured everyone… I went to join him… as soon as he saw me, his face brightened up, but… in that brief moment…”

No…

I didn’t even need to hear what happened to put the pieces together. And it seemed that Raynelle wasn’t exactly keen on explaining it either.

“In that moment… I just did what I could…” Raynelle turned around and lifted her shirt in one motion, showing me her back.

While she had said that she had a scar in the same place, that was the only thing that was the same. Rather than the single scar I had, her back was covered in a seemingly endless number of gashes, both large and small, many shallow but some much deeper.

Doesn’t that hurt?

…

I…

She pulled her shirt back down before turning to face me again, “I didn’t think… in that moment… my body just acted… I crouched over him… his faint breaths the only thing giving me the strength to go on…”

More tears ran down Raynelle’s face, but again, she quickly wiped them away with her sleeve.

Raynelle…

“There’s more to the story… but… I don’t think that you need to hear about those parts… not yet…”

While she said that she was stopping for my sake, I knew deep down that it would be difficult for her to continue even if she wanted to.

We both sat there in silence for a few minutes.

“It’s… hard to look back on moments like that…” Raynelle spoke up, “And with a scar permanently engraved on your body… it’s hard to forget… but.;.. that’s not always a bad thing… not completely anyway… It’s all about what you do with that memory.”

What you do with it…

…

“It took me a long time to figure out what to do with myself after that day… and that’s a story I will probably tell you someday… It involves when I first met Ava, so I’m sure that even if I don’t tell you about it, she will eventually,” Raynelle paused and took a deep breath, “Anyway… after many years and some unexpected assistance… I changed… I found something to do… a new duty… my daughter… Now that scar, while it still reminds me of that day… it… helps me to move forward in a way… to make sure that nobody else has to go through the same thing… Well, I’m making it sound grand… but really… it makes me care an awful lot more about those close to me… including yourself.”

To move forward…

Is that why-?…

…

I…

…

How are you that strong?…

…

I didn’t know what to say, but I couldn’t bear just sitting still any longer. I got up and hugged Raynelle, trying to mimic what she had always done for me.

“Look at you,” Raynelle hugged me back, “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were the adult and I was the child.”

…

“Thank you…” I mumbled, “… for this… and everything else…”

She finally let go of me, “Hey, that’s what I’m here for, alright?” Raynelle’s smile was back, “Even if you don’t see me as your mother, I’m still going to put my all into mothering you, even if you end up getting sick of it. Though I would rather you didn’t.”

My mother…

Do I even-?…

…

No, not now.

“Mhm,” I just hummed in response, hoping that would be enough for her.

“Good… now I’ll step out so you can get yourself cleaned up,” Raynelle said, standing up and heading over to the door, “But if you need help, just shout. I’ll be right outside as I’m still a bit worried.”

“Okay,” I responded, getting up off the stool.

Raynelle once again smiled at me before leaving the bathroom and closing the door behind her.

As soon as she left, I took my shirt off and reached over my shoulder, running my fingers over my scar.

“It’s about what you do with the memory…”