How To Survive as a Villain

Chapter 11: I’ve Never Seen Anyone So Stupid.

Xiao YuAn didn’t expect that there would be a day, after transmigrating here, in which he wouldn’t feel bored without TV, struggle without WiFi, or feel anxious without air conditioning.

Instead, he was worried about not being able to sleep!

Not! Falling! Asleep!

After Xiao YuAn laid on the bed for a long time, unable to fall asleep, he simply turned over and climbed up to harass Yang LiuAn, who was on the night shift, standing guard outside the Palace Hall.

Imperial Bodyguard Yang was scared to death, but despite that, he still accompanied Xiao YuAn to talk about life.

Xiao YuAn: “If the sea is full of water, and the horse has four legs, Heaven, why won’t you let me sleep?”

Yang LiuAn’s mouth was twitching, and his mind was confused, but as the Emperor’s Bodyguard, this was his duty. However, listening attentively to Xiao YuAn’s ramblings could be quite overwhelming for the Imperial Bodyguard.

“By the way, LiuAn, do you have a wife and kids?” After Xiao YuAn recited Incomprehensible words for a while, he asked all of a sudden.

“Answering to His Majesty, no, I don’t.”

“How about your parents?”

Yang LiuAn hesitated for a while, but in the end, he answered honestly: “Weichen¹ was born from a maidservant, and I don’t know who my father is. Weichen grew up in the Palace and received the favor of the late Emperor, for which I was given the position of Imperial Bodyguard. Now Weichen serves His Majesty, and I’m willing to wholeheartedly devote myself for His Majesty until I die.”

Inexplicably remembering the fact that Yang LiuAn’s body was pierced to death in the original book, Xiao YuAn frowned, feeling uneasy, and changed the topic.

After chatting blindly for a while, Xiao YuAn remembered that the Young Emperor had the attribute of being a cut sleeve. Xiao YuAn was then afraid that if he kept talking privately with Yang LiuAn like this, Yang LiuAn’s innocence couldn’t be protected from gossip. In the end, Xiao YuAn went back to bed, stayed up late and laid stiff as a corpse.

After staying like that for a while, he saw the candlelight flickering outside the Palace Hall. It was Hong Xiu: “Your Majesty, are you asleep?”

“Hmm? I’m not sleeping, what’s wrong?” Xiao YuAn wondered.

Hong Xiu held a lantern in one hand and a porcelain bowl in the other: “This maidservant heard from Imperial Bodyguard Yang that His Majesty couldn’t sleep at night, so I boiled a calming soup to calm His Majesty’s mind.”

Xiao YuAn felt warm in his heart: ‘In this story, where all the considerate girls will be collected by the Male Lead, you’re definitely a stream of fresh air Hong Xiu!’

‘Besides, Hong Xiu already knows the Young Emperor only likes men, so her behaviour couldn’t be mistaken with the intention of searching for some kind of intimacy! Hong Xiu understands “his” temperament the best, so….’

All of a sudden, Xiao YuAn came up with an idea and asked Hong Xiu: “It’s okay, I won’t drink the soup. But, Hong Xiu, could you stay with me at the bedside? Just wait for me to fall asleep.”

Hong Xiu was stunned: “Does His Majesty feel that the long night is boring? Your Majesty, should this maidservant call a male concubine to accompany you?”

‘Stop calling those little devils to come here. I really can’t walk the road of the Tyrannical President! As soon as they arrive, they’ll stick to my body as if I was a delicious meal! I can’t shake them off!’

Xiao YuAn had no choice, but to say: “No need. I recently have decided to advocate by the principle of Heaven and destroy all human desire².”

“D-destroy all human desire?” Hong Xiu was so shocked that she almost bit her tongue off. “Your Majesty, why do you want to become modest all of a sudden?!”

“….”

As soon as she said those words, Hong Xiu felt that what she said was inappropriate. In fright, she fell to her knees: “This humble maidservant was imprudent. I beg His Majesty to punish this lowly slave.”

Xiao YuAn, who felt like he wouldn’t be able to sleep from now on, wanted to cry without tears: “It’s alright, just get up and don’t kneel anymore.”

Hong Xiu sighed in relief.

Since the verbal communication had failed, Xiao YuAn was about to give up. But all of a sudden, Hong Xiu stopped talking nonsense, took the initiative to blow out the candlelight, and then stood beside the Imperial couch.

Xiao YuAn was moved to tears. As he turned over, he went to meet the Good of Dreams³ in peace.

…

Now that his top priority-sleeping at night-was resolved, Xiao YuAn thought that he could finally relax for a couple of days. But the main plot of the original book had to slap him hard on the face.

The General of Beiping came to complain!!!

Xiao YuAn chewed the sweet-scented osmanthus cake and blankly asked Yang LiuAn, who came to report the news: “Who?”

“Your Majesty! It’s General Sun!” Yang LiuAn felt like crying.

Xiao YuAn choked on a mouthful of the osmanthus cake and coughed for a long time. Yang LiuAn quickly brought some water for him: “Your Majesty, are you alright? Don’t worry, eat slowly.”

‘Eat slowly my ass!’

Xiao YuAn drank the water in a hurry. When he was done, he gave Yang LiuAn the porcelain cup back, as well as the plate of osmanthus cakes: “You can have all of them. Where’s General Sun?”

Yang LiuAn, seeing his arms inexplicably filled with stuff, replied: “The General is waiting for His Majesty in the main hall.”

Xiao YuAn didn’t dare to neglect the General, so he got up and rushed towards the main hall, with an uneasy expression on his face.

‘Unexpectedly, this is the original plot!’

Old General Sun was a very important character. He was over 60 years old, and by following three generations of Northern Monarchs, he conquered the world, obtaining outstanding war achievements. Due to this, he was respected by thousands of people. After following the late Emperor’s crusade against the Southern Yan Kingdom, he was appointed as the Great General⁴ of Beiping, holding half of the Military Power of the Northern Kingdom.

Listen, it’s! The! Great! General! Of! Beiping! So cool! So powerful!

Besides this, the Monarch and his Ministers were always in-laws. This old General was also the maternal grandfather of the Female Lead, Princess Yongning!

However, in the original book, this old General was almost beheaded by the Young Emperor!

He was almost killed by that fool!

Killed!!!

Since ancient times, the most loyal way for a Minister to die was probably by remonstrating, or fighting a war. This old General, who had been fighting for more than 40 years on the battlefield, wasn’t able to die for his Country in war, but he nearly died by quarreling with the Emperor.

The plot of the original book went like this: The old General came over and scolded the Young Emperor, ‘Why are you so foolish? The treasury has been wasted by you, yet you still have the time to sing and dance everyday? To eat, drink and have fun? You’re going to destroy the Country! How did you become so incompetent, young brat? I’ll have to take care of you in regards to your father, the late Emperor!’

Even though the old General scolded him like this, the Young Emperor had to put up with it because of his status.

However, this old General had a bad temper, and he ended up scolding the Young Emperor for, at least, half an hour. The Young Emperor was so angry at this, that he sent the General to prison!

The highly respected old General Sun was put on death row!!!

At that moment, the Imperial Court was in chaos, and there was turbulence for a while. In the end, the Young Emperor wasn’t that stupid, and when he calmed down, he realized he was wrong. After letting the old General go, he put the matter behind, but kept throwing the same banquets everyday, living his promiscuous and absurd life like usual.

The old General was really angry as he said: “Ah, fuck it! Do whatever you want, I don’t care anymore!” Then, he walked away, resigned from his post, and went back to his hometown in the countryside to farm and feed fish.

Just like that, the Northern Kingdom lost an old General who not only possessed the ability to stabilize the army, but also had extremely high skills in military arts.

When Xiao YuAn read this part for the first time, he couldn’t help but feel: ‘After this, it wouldn’t make any sense if this country wasn’t fucking destroyed!!!’