Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich

Chapter 146: War Breaks Out

【Top Student’s Glasses: These are ordinary silver-rimmed glasses and wearing them will make you seem slightly smarter. Yeah, just slightly. Let me tell you, these are obviously ordinary glasses that the top students use to blind their competitors!】

【Top Student’s Decayed Teeth: “Yes, it’s these teeth. Wuuuuu, it’s this one! It almost killed me!”】

【Top Student’s Dentures: “My dentures are actually poisonous teeth filled with venom! Don’t force me to bite you. Lick... AHHHHHH, it’s poisonous!”】

【When you gather the full set “Top Student’s Glasses,” “Top Student’s Decayed Teeth,” and “Top Student’s Dentures,” you will gain the special effect “Dunce Masquerading as the Top Student”. Your retorting abilities will be increased by 30%, integrity score will be lowered by 30% while your Cuteness Might will be increased by 30%—System hasn’t eaten my medicine yet, but I still feel cute!】

“Where should I start retorting from? Should I start from how the three top students’ equipment would turn one into a dunce? Or should I start from how I can equip those two teeth? Furthermore, if I put those poisonous teeth into my mouth, I would probably die! Further, what’s with those additional abilities? What the heck is Cuteness Might? Do I need better retorting ability or a decreased integrity score? My integrity already has no lower limits, alright! I have already long given up on treatment, alright! There are too many points to retort about this, there is no way I can retort on them all, alright!”

Everytime I see those Gachapon rewards which were filled with numerous retort points, my desire to retort would skyrocket. At this moment, after a whole series of ripostes, I panted heavily with the System interface before me, my gaze fixated on it.

“I will kill you with my glare, glower you to death!”

Alright, I knew that I looked foolish like that. However, what could I do to an existence I couldn’t reach but kept doing me in? Nothing, except killing them with my glare.

Perhaps I had spent too many Fate Points reconstructing my body; the recent Gachapon reward was getting worse and worse. The items that I had obtained were mostly objects that left people speechless.

【The Wordless Book of Heaven: The unparalleled Way of Heaven is contained within it.】

Alright, I didn’t know what the Book of Heavens was about, but if a book had no words, how could one comprehend it?

【Balala the Fairies Transformation Wand: I ate a lot of medicine today and feel cute! If you sing “In the name of the moon, I’ll punish you”* and dance while transforming, there will be bonus enhancement to your stats! Furthermore, it is pink!】

Alright, I don’t think that I need to go any further than that. After managing to get this non-mainstream magical wand, I immediately walked over to my window, open it and threw it out.

“Who would say such embarrassing words! Farewell!”

【Sacred Sword: Togashi** Must Die—The new member of the “One Shot One Kill (Must Die)” sword series, the product of the resentment of readers and editors. The One Shot One Kill (Wrecking Their Ass) effects apply to those who submit their manuscripts late and tour in the name of finding inspiration for their work. Also, it would be an incredible sight if you use it along with the one above.】

Alright, putting aside those obviously ill-humored, bizarre objects, the System did give some “good items” as well.

【DF-41 Intercontinental Ballistic Missile: Don’t say that the System didn’t give you anything good. As long as you are able to use it and dare to use it, this object is definitely formidable.】

When I saw the object, I was shocked. However, when I saw the user manual that came along with it, I knew that I have been duped.

“It requires specialized equipment for the launch of the missile? I can still find a way to solve that, but what do you mean by the missile will be locked if the password entered is incorrect? Where can I find the password required for the missile launch? Do I have to rip it apart to examine it? However, if it explodes on me, will you pay me? Furthermore, how can there be an intercontinental missile in a world revolving around magic? I dare you give me something normal, like the incantation of a powerful Forbidden Spell!”

And the System really did it. In the next draw, I got a powerful, otherworldly spell incantation.

【Dragon Slave: Darkness beyond twilight, crimson beyond blood that flows, buried in the stream of time is where your power grows...】***

When that incantation from my childhood appeared before me, my entire body started trembling in anticipation.

“Ohhhhh! As long as I chant the incantation, I will be able to borrow strength from the otherworldly Demon Lord to cast this ultimate-level Forbidden Spell? Without using much mana, I will be able to use this highly destructive Forbidden Spell? Awesome!”

Thus, I looked for a remote location to experiment it myself.

Did I fail? Was there a problem with the incantation? No, the items from the System were all authentic. I succeeded and the incantation was the official one and it worked. I managed to connect with the otherworldly Demon Lord.

“Welcome to the Otherworldly Demon Lord Summoning System.... The Demon Lord whom you are calling is currently unavailable, please try again later. Dududu, I thank you for your support of the Incantation System.”

Alright, the Demon Lord was busy and he was unavailable.... I could understand that the Incantation System was the exclusive privilege of a certain other world and it was normal for me to be unable to get into contact with him, but what was with the reply afterward!

“After which, please rate our services. Are you satisfied, or are you very satisfied? Of course, it is also alright for you to choose the completely satisfied option!”

Of this “Dear customer, I am father. If you don’t want to use my services, feel free to leave” customer service, what can I do? I hung up and stared speechlessly at the blue sky.

Actually, this wasn’t the worst. Once I managed to draw a bunch of legendary treasures. Looking at those orange-colored artifacts, I almost died from delight.

“Hah, One-Star Ball, Two-Star Ball... Seven-Star Ball. If I gather all seven, can I really realize my wish?”

Back then, I hadn’t been duped by the System too badly yet. After drawing 6 Dragon Balls straight and receiving confirmation from the System about the effects of the Seven Dragon Balls, I waited expectantly for the final Dragon Ball to fall into my hands. In fact, I even started to plan on how I should make use of my wish and how I should achieve the greatest benefits through it. I even filled an entire journal with my plans.

However, in the dozen or so Gachapon draws in the next year, I never received the final Dragon Ball. Eventually, I could only howl helplessly in anger.

“From the very start, you were trying to scam me, right? Is this the darned game lottery system that our country came up with? There is no prize at all, right!”

“...Due to the karmic effects regarding the Four-Star Dragon Ball being too great, I can only arrange a mission for you. If you are able to triumph over its guardian, it will be yours.”

I had watched the Dragon Ball manga back then. Who was the owner of the Four-Star Dragon Ball? Wasn’t it the protagonist of the manga, Son Goku?

Challenge Son Goku? Recalling those ridiculous experts in the manga who destroyed planets as they pleased, I shuddered.

However, I soon remembered how the manga was when it first started, when the plot was still normal. Back then, the Seven Dragon Balls had already appeared and perhaps, the one to appear before me wouldn’t be such a ridiculous existence. There was still a chance for success.

“It is the young Goku from the start, right? It can’t be that it is the Super Saiyan who destroyed planets with a single strike in the later part of the manga.... Why aren’t you answering? It can’t be that it is the even more ridiculous Super Saiyan 3?”

“Don’t worry, it’s not 3, it’s 33. Super Saiyan 33!”

“Don’t try to fool me, I read the manga! There is no Super Saiyan 33 in that world!”

“Cough, it is a parallel universe that we live in. Due to the overwhelming popularity of Dragon Ball in the world, the editor didn’t allow the manga to end. As such, the show dragged on from Super Saiyan 3 to Super Saiyan 33. Sigh, you don’t know how ludicrous the power system became in the end. At the very start, they destroyed worlds and planets, but eventually they went on to destroy galaxies and universes.”

“Furthermore, since you already know that it was taken from that real parallel universe, given the plot the Dragon Ball world was going at, how they were breaking their limits here and there, do you think that it was possible for even more powerful antagonists to not appear later on? If I were to say, not just Super Saiyan 33, as long as that world doesn’t get destroyed, even Super Saiyan 333 is possible!”

Alright, there’s no need for me to say anything. Even the normal Super Saiyan transformation was able to kill me in an instant; if Super Saiyan 33 came, wouldn’t the heavens, earth, and even the air be destroyed with a single flick? I didn’t wish to die that pathetically yet, thus I rejected the “goodwill” of the System.

As time went by (and the number of times I got scammed increased), I roughly comprehended a general rule.

It wasn’t that the System had dedicated its soul fully to pranking others, but its abilities were limited. Distorting the future required one to bear its karmic effects. The laws governing equivalent exchange still needed to be obeyed.

Thus, my dream of obtaining powerful treasures by drawing with minimal Fate Points was shattered.

For a period of time, I dedicated my soul to drawing “mystical secret manuals.” “Godly equipment” and “unique and rare treasures” were struck from my list of options.

“If I obtain strength from the ‘otherworldly knowledge’ and change the future, it would be my own doing rather than the doing of the System. Thus, the System only need to bear minimal karmic effects. This was like a conspicuous loophole left behind by the System. If I don’t choose you, who else will I choose?”

Thus, even though I drew numerous objects that left one speechless through the “mystical secret manuals” choice, such as the “Wordless Book of Heaven” and “Dragon Slave Incantation Manual” and other books which was in the wrong universe, as well as the “Art of Nine Negations,” “Sunflower Manual,” “Manual to Cross Dressing as a Beautiful Lady,” and “Photoshop: Manual to Creating a Beauty.” They were all authentic, but it was completely inconceivable to me what they could be used for.... Alright, let’s forget all of those. At the very least, those research notes of the otherworldly Mages were indeed good stuff. They were much more useful than those unreliable otherworldly treasures and I had benefitted greatly through them.

The reason why I used my Gachapon draws recently to get unique and rare treasures was to draw a Spring of Drowned Man for the unfortunate Krose as compensation. However, it was a pity that the entire roulette was filled with the Top Student series’s objects and there was no sign of the Spring of Drowned Man appearing at all.

“Forget it, timing is important in Gachapon. If one’s complexion, hand, and luck are bad, one shouldn’t treat himself as the protagonist of the world. I should try giving it a change and drawing mystical secret manuals instead.”

As Fate Points were pumped in, the rapidly spinning roulette stopped. Looking at the “secret manual” which popped out, I couldn’t help gasping in shock.

It was a game walkthrough. On its cover, roaring Beastmen armies and countless Beastmen heroes could be seen.

【Ding! Congratulations on obtaining 《Highland Beastmen Invasion Game Walkthrough—The Hundred Powerful Tribes Information Guide》. System Notice: Not only does it list the unique troops of each and every tribe and their fighting prowess, it even tells you about the personal preferences of each Chieftain and heroic figures. If you still fail to achieve victory in the war, carry your head to meet me.】

“System! Can you not be so obvious when cheating? However, you did well this time, I like it! I give you thirty-two likes!”

———–

“Prince Roland in the East Mist Communal Country is a fake. He isn’t some awakened returning Heroic Spirit, but propaganda East Mist uses to calm the hearts of their citizens!”

When I heard the report Sleuweir Kingdom sent to the other countries and churches, I wasn’t surprised at all. This was within expectations. Even so, I was still enraged by their actions.

“Feimer Carson, is it? Since you were willing to send assassins to get rid of me for the sake of holding onto your authority, then what could coming up with lies to deny the existence of your ancestors count as?”

I could understand that they were denying my identity to maintain the integrity and legitimacy of their sovereignty, but they were clearly trying to stab themselves in their own foot by the latter part of the report.

“The Kamo’s Tear Fortress is still completely calm. I have just signed a peace treaty with the numerous Beastmen Tribes. Yet that fake Roland spread rumors about an impending Beastmen invasion. This shows that he has bad intentions in mind! He hopes to tear apart our amiable relationship with our Beastmen allies!”

From a certain sense, Sleuweir could be considered as the successor of the Mist Country’s legacy. However, they denied the traditions and values of the Mist Country. They chose to employ goodwill diplomacy, siding with the other larger kingdoms on most occasions, even willing to resort to bribing the Beastmen Tribe whom they bordered.

One must say, from a certain perspective, they truly did well. In human society, Sleuweir Kingdom’s reputation was much better than East Mist Communal Country and Mist Country.

Considering how difficult it was to capture Kamo’s Tear Fortress, the Chieftains who had received large amounts of bribes would also direct their attention to the other human territories. They had enjoyed more than two decades of peace and they had not been embroiled in most major historical wars.

For the Beastmen Tribes, as long as it was en route to their ancient homeland, it was the same no matter whom they invaded. The current situation was different from the past Mist Country and the Beastmen bordered with more than one human country. Since Sleuweir had decided to employ the carrot and the stick, it was much wiser for them to choose an easier target to work on.

Of this method of diverting the catastrophe to the other countries, the Karsomi Communal Country which faced greater pressure from the Beastmen’s assault was full of complaints. Even so, it didn’t affect Sleuweir’s diplomatic strategies in any way, so they had no choice but to tolerate it.

It was true that the Karsomi Communal Country was a nail stuck there to deal with the pressure from the Beastmen. After East Country’s fall, they had borne the brunt of the impact from most of the brutal Human-Beastman wars.

The motive for the Beastmen’s invasion southward was simple. In the short-term, their goal was likely to annex some land so they could hunt for food and resources. As for the long-term, they probably only had one ultimate aim—to recapture the original land of the Beastmen, the Blanluya Plains.

Currently, the Blanluya Plains weren’t part of the Beastmen’s territory. It belonged to a powerful human empire, Saint Antonio, and it served as its granary. The Karsomi Communal Country was a vassal state of Saint Antonio Empire.

It was said that the emperor of the Karsomi Communal Country was a high noble of the Saint Antonio Empire, and most of the powerful troops of the country originated from Saint Antonio. Every year, young generals would suddenly appear in their ranks and display their talents; most of these talents were Saint Antonian.

There was even a tale about how they crushed their own foot with the boulder they lifted.

The Beastmen army had never given up on their dreams to return back to their homeland. Back then, when the Beastmen had occupied the previous territory of the Mist Country, due to their powerful reproductive abilities, they were able to engage in numerous large-scale and small-scale battles. This made those countries who were pestered by them start to miss that “smelly and tough country of barbarians,” which they destroyed with their own hands.

“Thirty to forty Wolf Knights may not mean anything much in a frontal assault, but if they snuck into our territories, they can cause countless civilian deaths. Those cockroach-like Beastmen who reproduce at an insane rate can’t be completely killed no matter what we do. We need a barrier against them!”

As such, under the combined efforts of countless empires, the Karsomi Communal Country was formed.

To date, this newly established country only had two hundred years of history behind it. After its founding, it nailed itself firmly at the entrance of the Beastmen territory. Large amounts of resources and talent were continuously supplied there from the core of human society, thus forcefully blocking the Beastmen off at the highlands.

Karsomi Communal Country’s Haulus Fortress and Sleuweir Kingdom’s Kamo’s Tear Fortress became important fortresses of the human society in hindering the army of the Beastmen Tribes after the fall of the Mist Country.

With the Fortress Cities’ natural terrain advantage and the support from countless human countries behind them, in the past two hundred years, they had managed to drive the Beastmen army back to their lands. The Kamo’s Tear Fortress was named after the previous Great Chieftain Kamo who died there.

However, the situation was different this time.

“Urgent news! War has broken out! The Beastmen army has invaded Sleuweir. It has circumvented Kamo’s Fortress and four midsize cities have been massacred! Sleuweir has currently been placed on full alert!”

TL Notes:* From Sailor Moon Balala

**Togashi is the mangaka for HunterXHunter

***Slayers -> Lina Inverse’s spell. The latter is the incantation.