Conquering His Cold Heart

370 Thinking Rationally

Anastasia wanted to laugh at herself when she recalled what she had planned the night before.

‘Can I even go through with my plan when I can’t bear to see Caspian like this?’

Now that her head was feeling much lighter and clearer than it was yesterday, she was forced to reevaluate everything that she had planned yesterday when she was feeling extremely emotional and suicidal for no valid reason at all.

She half opened her eyes again and looked at her husband’s lowered head. She grimaced seeing him in pain like that. ‘And to add to that, he feels this sad just because of something that was never going to happen in the first place.’

‘Just imagine how devastated he will be if you will go through with your stupid plan, Anna!’ she exclaimed in her head in a reprimanding manner.

She bit the inside of her lower lip until it hurt and kept on chastising her stupid thinking, ‘Does he deserve that great a heartbreak? Is that how you repay his love and kindness? You say that you are going to do it to prevent him from going mad in the future. But aren’t you just trying to sabotage everything that you two have just to put your heart at ease before you die?’

Anastasia took a deep breath in without making it obvious that she was awake. And something that she hadn’t thought of yesterday came to her mind.

‘What if after knowing the truth, he becomes an even greater monster than you could ever imagine? What if he… What if he attacks Orsenia because he feels betrayed by my father and my brother?’

Her heart rate began escalating at the thought of that. She was the only link that Caspian had with the royals of Orsenia. And if Caspian was to know that that link was fragile from the very beginning and that everyone in Orsenia was aware of it, what was going to stop him from taking out his anger on them?

.....

A chill shiver ran down her spine when that terrifying thought came to her mind. ‘What if he slaughters them all? Why did I think that he would just stop at hating me from his core? He can wipe out Orsenia from the face of the Earth if he wants to.’

Anastasia clutched the bedsheet with her free palm and changed the decision that she had made while her heart was unstable.

‘I should burn that letter! Not my diary! And if Caspian was to find out the truth, it should come from my mouth, not some random letter.’

She inhaled shakily and thought, ‘I am sure Caspian will forgive me if I come clean about everything.’ She instantly furrowed her brows because she wasn’t sure if Caspian would ever forgive her. But she still repeated in her head as if to convince herself, ‘I am sure he will forgive me… He said I can be honest with him…’

“My Queen? Are you awake?”

Anastasia was suddenly startled when she heard Martha’s overly enthusiastic voice.

Caspian instantly lifted his head and looked at her face. When he saw Anastasia looking at him, the gloominess that had surrounded him disappeared in an instant.

“Anna! You’re awake!” he whispered while giving her a bright smile.

Anastasia forced a smile on her face and whispered weakly, “I guess I am.” She heaved a deep sigh and asked, “When did you come back?”

“An hour ago,” he replied. And he immediately leaned in to plant a soft kiss on Anastasia’s forehead.

Martha decided to leave the two of them alone and slowly made her way toward the antechamber.

Caspian, on the other hand, kept on hovering very close to her face and asked, “How are you feeling now?”

Anastasia was feeling very sore around her lower abdominal area. She had no idea why but she assumed it was because of something she ate yesterday. “I will be fine,” she gave a short answer and asked Caspian, “How was the meeting with my brother? Did all go well?”

Caspian scoffed and said, “You are worried about that?” Instead of answering her, he straightened his back and mumbled while looking deep into her green eyes, “I leave you alone for one night and I find you in such a state. Ugh! I should have never left you alone in the first place. If I was here, nothing would have happened.”

“No, don’t say that!” Making Caspian feel guilty about what happened to her was the last thing she wanted. “If you were here then Tilla probably would have been badly injured or she would have…” She abruptly stopped talking and cleared her throat.

She then smiled at Caspian and said, “What I am trying to say is that, whatever happened, happened for good. Tilla is safe. I am safe. So… all is good.”

Caspian was, however, not buying it. “What if Vincent was a second late? That nasty maid would have sunk her fangs into your neck! Or worse. She could have killed you!”

“But it didn’t happen, did it?” Anastasia held Caspian’s palm and said in a sad tone, “I will go only when my time comes. Not before that.”

Caspian felt a pang in his heart when Anastasia said that. He didn’t want to think about Anastasia’s ‘time’ at all. He looked down at her soft and slender hand and muttered, “You will have a long life. And don’t casually bring this up, okay? I don’t want to give it a thought. Ever.”

Anastasia instantly felt an aching sensation in her heart. ‘But I will have to bring it up soon. I am sorry Caspian,’ she thought to herself.

There was a chilling silence in the room for quite a while. Both of them were lost in their own thoughts.

After some time, Caspian began asking a few questions about what had actually happened yesterday night between the three of the women involved.

Anastasia gave each and every detail from her perspective, from the moment she saw that maid harassing Tilla until the moment she fainted.

“Okay. I will question Tilla next and take necessary actions,” Caspian said after listening to everything Anastasia had to say.

Anastasia was also expecting Caspian to ask her about the tonic and all the questions that he had related to it.

However, Caspian didn’t say a word regarding that matter. Instead, he got up on his feet and said, “I will head out for now. I have to know what sparked the fight between Tilla and that maid. And I need to know if there was anyone else involved. If there was then I will have to take care of them soon, before they try to run off from the castle or do something stupid.”

Anastasia gave a nod to Caspian as the matters related to the incident with the maid were more urgent than other things.

“I will see you soon,” Caspian said with a warm smile on his face and turned around to walk away.

Martha walked in shortly after and the first thing that she did was apologize. “Your Majesty, I unintentionally informed the King that you had taken the tonic. He was very sad, even hurt I would say. I didn’t think that the King wasn’t yet aware of your plans regarding the baby. Please forgive me for speaking rashly.”

Anastasia simply smiled and replied, “It’s okay. I will talk to him later regarding that matter…”

“…and everything else.” The smile suddenly disappeared from her face and was replaced by a bitter expression.