Beers and Beards: A Cozy Dwarf Tale

Interlude 3: Glass works

“Allo! Welcome to tha Glassworks!”

Ralph Ralphson of Ralph and Ralph Glassworks turned to the door as the bell rang. He put down the piece of stained glass he was working on and looked at the customer standing on the other side of the counter. Ralph pulled at the long braids of his goatee as he put on a bright welcoming smile.

“Can I ‘elp you?”

The customer in front of him was different from his usual fare. Ralph was used to noblemen and clergymen coming for clear glass for their windows or the occasional wine glass for a gnomish oligarch. He also had a few dwarves come in for a one-off or two, but that was about it. He had never had a gnomish tinker trader come in the door, and certainly never one that looked so… wild.

“Do you do requests?” The gnome asked in a squeaky voice. He kept looking over his shoulder like he was afraid something.

“Aye, of course! What are ya looking fer?” Different customer or not, gold was gold! Ralph wondered why this Gnome looked so twitchy, was he a thief perhaps? Ralph raised his guard; he wasn’t getting robbed today! His guard dropped as the gnome placed a vase upon the counter.

“I want a copy of this.”

“Aye?” Ralph examined the vase and flipped it over to look at the makers mark. “Hmmm…. It’s got a maker’s mark from Kinshasa. I can make it. Any changes ya want made, or do ya want it ‘as is’?”

“Yes… make it as clear as possible, lose the colouring.” The gnome pulled at his moustache as he thought.

“Aye, anythin else?”

“Can you add a handle? Like a tankard?”

“Uh.. yes?” What an odd request. Did the gnome plan on drinking water from the vase? That struck Ralph as strange, but then Gnomes liked to drink weird things. They preferred their coffee and tea and juice to a proper brew. Ralph shuddered a bit, perhaps this was some new way of drinking leafy flower water. “Anything else?”

The gnome seemed deep in thought for a while. He hummed and hawed, while Ralph took the vase and began measuring it. This would be a simple order, and he could hammer it out before lunch. He was looking forward to meeting some of his mates in the bar for a game of hammercup soon.

“Add some etching. I want it to say, 'Whistlemop'”.

“Whistlemop?”

“Yeeessss… No.” The gnome’s voice grew firm. “Official Whistlemug”

“Official Whistlemug?”

“Yes, in gold, with a drawing of me.” The gnome grinned a bit maniacally.

“That’ll be a lot more expensive.” Ralph paused in his work. He could already see his early evening disappearing. He pulled out a note pad and began taking notes. This one was going to be a pain; he could tell already. “Anything else?”

“On the other side put ‘The best way to drink a beer’”

“’The best way to drink a' - WHAT?!?” Ralph put down his notepad and stared. Was this gnome insane? Well, if he was, Ralph needed to ensure that he would get paid for this job. Far be it from him to stand between a gnome and a bad idea. “I’m gonna need pay up front.”

The gnome stepped outside without a word. Ralph sighed in relief, that was possibly one of the oddest requests he had ever received. Why on Erd – The gnome entered again with a small cart filled with bags. His eyes glowed with avarice as he placed a bag on the counter. It clinked and a few coins fell onto the wood. “I sold everything. EVERYTHING. I don’t want one. Make it a thousand.”

Ralph stared as the gold rolled around on the counter in front of him. What was he getting himself into? Then again… gold was gold. “Alright, Mr. Whistlemop, you’re the boss!"

The gnome began to laugh, and Ralph soon joined him. Their cackles echoed down market street, disturbing a couple of sleeping cats, who yowled in protest.