Bailonz Street 13

How can I stop this? How can I make it stop?

Just then, something jutted out, hitting my side. My body spun in the air. I saw the black void coming closer, unrelenting. It was twice as terrifying to see it getting nearer instead of farther.

If I fall like this, my face will be crushed. If there’s even a ground to fall onto!

Frantically flailing my arms, I tried to grab onto something, but there was nothing to hold. Think. How can I survive in this surreal space? How can I safely land on the ground?

My mind reached a conclusion. I need someone’s help.

Think. I’ve seen a place like this before.

My mouth, which seemed unable to open, finally did, and I shouted,

“El—!”

＊ ＊ ＊

I was floating in midair. It felt as if some intangible force had caught me. As I panted and fumbled around my waist, I felt a condensed mass of air supporting me.

“You should have called earlier.”

A calm voice spoke. Neither male nor female, neither child nor elder, but a soft, androgynous voice addressed me.

“What on earth is this place?”

“Oh, nothing special. It’s just a space created by the magical storm conjured by William Moore.”

“Then, I’m…”

“You’re an unfortunate victim swept into this space.”

“Damn that Moore.”

El chuckled. My body slowly descended to the ground. I was back in that dark, water-filled space I had visited before. I hastily explained.

“I didn’t think to call you. Since being kidnapped by Clara, I haven’t been in my right mind. When I came to, I heard Liam was in danger. I came for help and met this eighteen-year-old kid.”

“Oh, Clara. Yes, she caused quite a mess. I don’t know when she started involving herself in this.”

“I never imagined she’d steal the notebook like that….”

I heard the sound of water rippling. Waves formed somewhere and reached my feet. I began to walk slowly. Lukewarm liquid soaked my ankles.

“That thing kept trying to touch me, didn’t it?”

I asked. I had a hunch about the answer, but I was still pondering whether I could truly trust El.

Ironically, I did. I didn’t know who this strange being helping me was, nor why it was interested in me.

Was it out of curiosity? Or did it have something it wanted from me?

El sighed and started guiding me. A white hand connected us.

“The reason I hide my true form is simple. First, ordinary beings would easily go mad under the unbearable terror of my appearance. Second, I am merely an ‘agent’.”

“An agent?”

“The real one is far away. I’m just borrowing a human form to mimic a person. You could say my true form is similar to the Black King you fear.”

I could have guessed as much. If such a being were human, that would indeed be strange. If seeing it could drive someone insane, it must be something akin to a ‘god’.

I kept walking, following El, who led me somewhere. El stopped walking at last.

“Unlike him, I don’t desire the ‘end’ just yet. So, how about you be satisfied with that and go find William Moore?”

It was a suggestion, implying I shouldn’t pry further and should just follow my purpose. It wasn’t a threat, but it was firm.

“But I want to know.”

“Even if you forget your original purpose and go mad?”

“Even so, I want to know why I came to this world.”

El sighed and let go of my hand.

“See a small part, but then forget it. That way, you can survive. Hang in there, Jane. I don’t want you to go mad.”

The voice grew louder. It became a grand whisper, a chorus echoing in my brain. Though it was a low murmur, it sounded enormous, hinting at the vastness of its ‘true form’. Just how colossal was it?

The void brightened. No, the darkness remained, but something floating in the air began to glow, creating an illusion of light. The sea of blood, up to my ankles, churned.

As Thomas Aquinas expressed, God is an infinite and indefinable vast sea.

I saw it.

Foam. Bundles of foam swelled and subsided. It existed here and everywhere simultaneously. Time and space intertwined, endlessly birthing and dying. It was the end and the beginning, grain becoming wheat and grain again. Father! What becomes of the tree that bears no fruit? He who has ears, let him hear! It was God! It was God!

Yahweh! Yahweh!

Countless truths surged into my mind like a tidal wave. Just as winter gives way to spring, spring inevitably welcomes winter. My nose tingled, and blood flowed. My eardrums swelled, and my eyes felt like they would burst. The whispers in my head sounded beautiful now. I was intoxicated with happiness. The pain was gone.

The strangely coloured (perhaps pearlescent) bubbles spoke to me.

This is only a part, but he is everything mixed together. Light and darkness are trapped here. Everything loses its power before him and merges into one.

Here, light dies and is forever engulfed.

I was in the universe for thousands of years in an instant, wandering through the void.

The cold tore and scratched me, biting into my veins.

When the universe re-emerges, it will be—forever, forever, forever……!

“Stop.”

Pop.

Everything subsided instantly, like bubbles bursting.

The ecstatic sensations vanished, and my floating body was flung to the ground. I felt bone-chilling cold. It was desolate. Only the gently lapping black sea was warm, and if I could, I would submerge myself entirely in it. I panted, trying to process what I had just seen—

“Even a glimpse causes this.”

El’s voice, mixed with a sigh, said.

I had tasted the sweetness of the truth he showed. It was sweet, sweet ‘annihilation,’ like a sip of water after days of thirst. My stiff tongue forgot how to form words. I didn’t know what to say. My brain felt like it was melting. My whole body trembled, craving what I had just seen.

“I… I,”

My trembling lips moved. If I could, I would endlessly utter words of adoration for him. Unlike the Black King, this was different. It wasn’t just an avatar. It was something more immense… greater… one part of the whole.

El interrupted my thoughts and asked.

“What did I say?”

What did he say?

The visions he showed kept flashing before my eyes. But he had definitely warned me before that.

My purpose, my reason, my existence, the reason I came here, what I had lost.

But what was it?

I saw a woman in the reflection of the black water, her lower face smeared with blood, smiling.

‘Is this me?’

Realising this, I grasped the fleeting memory. El’s voice in my memory commanded. Forget.

“If I forget, I can survive.”

“Then what should you do?”

My mouth moved on its own and answered.

“I have to… forget.”

Yes. I must forget this scene. Forever.

Good. El’s hand stroked the back of my head. Finally, I saw El’s form. A ‘human’ figure in a white robe covering them from head to toe.

Because I promised El, I tightly shut my eyes and began to push the visions to the back of my mind.

The heat that seemed endless in my head cooled, and the nosebleed stopped. Something oppressive quickly left my body. I felt weak all at once and could finally breathe evenly. I was regaining my senses. My body was recovering.

El, seeing me quickly overcoming the shock, helped me up.

“This way.”

The infinitely expanding space continued to expand even at this moment. El grabbed me and guided me to keep up with the expansion. Stumbling, I followed, reflected in the water. Eventually, a door appeared before us.

“Once is the hardest.”

Opening it once to see what’s beyond. That’s the hardest part, El whispered.

“But if you move forward once, you’ll forget the fear the next time.”

Warmth flowed down my back. My body, which had been shrinking, stretched out. It was like a reward for enduring.