A Pawn's Passage

Chapter 373: Confused

Lei Xiaohuan and the rest of the investigation team finally arrived at Jinling Mansion in a flying ship, where they were personally greeted by the Jiangnan Daoist Mansion Master. Then they made their way to Zhenwu Temple to meet up with Zhang Yuelu, Bai Yingqiong, and Pei Xiaolou.

The case regarding the Yanqing Merchant’s Association had been progressing fairly smoothly. Although the Yuan family was exterminated and a large number of account books were destroyed, the Yanqing Merchant’s Association had been involved in a wide range of activities for many years, so there were still many leads that they could investigate.

This investigation was Lei Xiaohuan’s first time working with Zhang Yuelu. Before this, she had only heard of the prodigy’s great reputation. After a few days of interaction, Lei Xiaohuan had to admit that Zhang Yuelu’s high position at such a young age was certainly well-deserved.

Zhang Yuelu’s attitude toward the case already surpassed the others.

After becoming Heavenly Beings, sleep was usually replaced by cultivating qi and meditation. However, everyone still habitually called it sleep or rest.

Usually, when everyone was resting, Zhang Yuelu’s room was still brightly lit. When they got up early in the morning, Zhang Yuelu still had not rested yet. She would often stay up all night for several days in a row. Even with her level of cultivation, Zhang Yuelu should not overwork herself.

For those who did not know better, they would have thought that Zhang Yuelu had a deep grudge against the Yanqing Merchant’s Association.

In fact, only Zhang Yuelu knew that it was not true. Contrary to what Qi Xuansu thought of her, Zhang Yuelu did not think of herself as a saint. She was only working so hard because she had selfish motives and thoughts. She was also not as strong as she appeared to be.

Qi Xuansu’s death was a big blow to her, but she knew that it was no use crying miserably, so she forced herself to stay composed and not show a hint of vulnerability.

In a sense, this was also a test for her. Tiangang Hall was the Daoist Order’s sword, and death was inevitable on the battlefield. As the Deputy Tiangang Hall Master, Zhang Yuelu carried a huge responsibility on her shoulders. If she were to cry and seek revenge every time someone died, she would not be able to win any battles.

Moreover, if she wanted to be the Grand Master one day, she would be responsible for the fate of the entire Daoist Order. If one day, the Holy Court went to war with the Daoist Order and kidnapped the Grand Master’s lover, the Grand Master could not act on a whim to seek revenge because they would have to consider the bigger picture for the future of the Daoist Order, not just their personal desires. Otherwise, it would be a dereliction of duty.

The Grand Master was supposed to be the figurehead of the Daoist Order, but that did not mean that he or she owned the Daoist Order.

For Daoists, being emotional was a sign of immaturity and a huge demerit.

At the moment, Sage Qingwei, Sage Cihang, and Sage Donghua were vying for the position of the seventh-generation Grand Master. If any of them made a decision that was driven by emotion, it was equivalent to voluntarily withdrawing from the competition.

The Daoist community could accept a dictator, an abstinent Sage, or even a puppet leader as their Grand Master. However, they could not accept a weak and emotional leader.

Zhang Yuelu’s existence was too dazzling, so she always had countless pairs of eyes on her, staring at her every move. If she still wanted to implement her ideals one day, then she would have to hide her vulnerability and sorrow.

As such, Zhang Yuelu’s coping mechanism was to divert her attention through various tasks. She would put all her energy into work so that she could temporarily forget her grief.

However, when it got quiet at night, her mind would often wander to Qi Xuansu.

In fact, she was still a little confused herself about how they had muddled their way into making promises of the future with each other in mind.

Wasn’t love supposed to descend in the form of a hero riding on colorful, auspicious clouds? Wasn’t love supposed to begin like a romantic novel, where the male lead shared his umbrella with the female lead amidst the rain?

None of these happened to her.

Looking back carefully, the first time she met Qi Xuansu was in a weapons shop in Taiqing Square. Their first interaction was when a fellow Daoist mistook them for a couple and invited them to celebrate someone’s wedding at the City God Temple in Jade Capital.

It was not romantic or meaningful. But it was certainly interesting.

After their drinking session, she met (or more accurately, stalked) him again after seeing his file as one of the potential hires for her division in Tiangang Hall. Back then, she was only curious about him, but at that time, he did not know who she was, so he was more defensive and wary of her.

Their first assignment from Tiangang Hall was to slay demons in the Western Region. They ended up killing Desmond the vampire together.

Having gone through all that with him, Zhang Yuelu was quite fond of Qi Xuansu, but she still did not have a romantic interest in him.

It was precisely because of this good impression that she came up with an extremely bold idea—to take him home as a fake boyfriend so that her mother would stop scouting around for suitors.

In hindsight, that was a bad idea. Zhang Yuelu was also confused about her own thought process when she begged Qi Xuansu to come along.

Was it really just to stop her mother from arranging marriages for her? In fact, the easy way would be to ask Sage Cihang to interfere, since masters also had a say in their disciple’s marriage. Sage Cihang’s opinion would also hold more weight due to her special status. Thus, Zhang Yuelu’s mother would have compromised as long as Sage Cihang intervened.

So, how much weight did her good impression of Qi Xuansu actually have in this decision?

Zhang Yuelu could not figure it out either.

As they embarked on their journey back to Shangqing Prefecture, the various mishaps were an indication that this trip was destined to be doomed. However, neither of them gave up, and so they experienced countless life-and-death situations along the way.

However, it was these experiences of life and death that quickly brought their relationship closer.

Zhang Yuelu even found herself growing to like Qi Xuansu romantically.

After all, she was not one to believe that her partner had to be of the same level as her in terms of family background or cultivation.

That was why she suggested stopping this ridiculous plan. She did not want him to go home with her so soon, but he refused.

During that time, Zhang Yuelu could also feel his changes. Qi Xuansu was no longer so wary of her. He even became more eager to cater to her needs. At first, she mistakenly thought that the compromise was due to their similar interests, but she gradually understood that it was because he was also interested in her.

If he did not like her, he would not have provoked the Lingshan Witch Cult or taken risks in Yishan City. He also would not have had his arm broken in Baidi City.

A veteran traveler like him was well-versed in ways to protect himself. But his feelings for her made him more impulsive to cater to her whims. However, he was also restrained, careful not to lose his sense of self.

Finally, they arrived at Shangqing Prefecture and returned home to Yunjin Mountain.

Zhang Yuelu had already expected her cousin’s and mother’s reactions. But she still held a sliver of hope that they would be respectful or grow to like Qi Xuansu as they got to know him. However, Zhang Yuyue and Tantai Qiong stomped all over him and completely shattered that sliver of hope. This made Zhang Yuelu furious.

On the contrary, Qi Xuansu took it well. He was calm, as if he had expected this. He even laughed about it.

Due to her family's hostility toward Qi Xuansu, Zhang Yuelu felt like there was no need to stay in Yunjin Mountain for so long and decided to return to Jade Capital on New Year’s Day.

That decision became her biggest regret. The trip from Yunjin Mountain to Jade Capital bore the worst outcome imaginable.

During his final moments, Qi Xuansu sacrificed himself by dragging down the terrorist with him, giving her the chance of survival.

When things progressed as such, she was forced to let go, but it was easier said than done.

Although she was not usually one to regret decisions she already made, she had pondered more than once what it would be like if she had not taken Qi Xuansu back home with her.

Everything would probably be normal. She would have promoted him to be a superintendent, and he would have grinned from ear to ear because superintendents had additional subsidies. After all, he was always money-minded.

She also would not have taken the initiative to leave Jade Capital to suppress the secret societies. That way, she could spend more time with Qi Xuansu. In their free time, they could visit Taiqing Square, watch new plays, or play the Holy Xuan cards.

Or perhaps she would not have been alone in this investigation. She also would not have worked herself to the bone. They would probably take a walk around town to appreciate the scenery of Jinling, such as the Sage Temple, the Great Gratitude Temple, Swallow Rock, and the Ascension Platform.

She would not have been like this, rarely leaving Zhenwu Temple and living in seclusion. Her occasional outings were actually to arrest people.

Zhang Yuelu also believed that Qi Xuansu would have been able to be a Sage one day. If she introduced him as a Sage, the situation would have been so different. Perhaps her mother would be more polite to him. Her father and Qi Xuansu also could have been good friends. If he were a sage, they could have gone to the Dazhen Mansion together to visit the Heavenly Preceptor, rather than him waiting outside for her while she went in to talk to the Heavenly Preceptor.

It was late at night. The lights were turned off, but the bright moonlight shone through the window.

Zhang Yuelu pushed aside the various files on the table, leaving a small space where she could rest her head. She buried her nose and lips in her crossed arms, leaving only her eyes exposed.

That was why her voice was muffled when she spoke to herself. “I have a bad temper, and I'm not gentle or considerate. Many people say that I’m bossy, domineering, and pretentious. If I wasn't a Deputy Hall Master, I’m afraid not many people would want to speak to me. They would probably just stay away from me...”

She blinked. “But why do you like me?”

Zhang Yuelu was the only one in her room, so she clearly did not expect an answer.

After a while, she answered her own question. “You don’t even know, right? Actually, I’m also confused by all this. If I had a choice, I’d rather not have met you. That way, you wouldn’t have accompanied me to Yunjin Mountain, and you would still be here...”

She murmured, “You’re seriously the dumbest person in the world... Why would you risk your life for a woman that everyone hates? Wouldn’t it be better to stay alive?"