A Depressed Kendo Player Possesses a Bastard Aristocrat

Chapter 118.1: You are filled with hatred. Part 1

You are filled with hatred.

Even though she had heard the news of Raiden's visit to the Duke's mansion, Margaret remained confined to her bedroom.

The blanket was pulled over her head.

Only faint breaths could be heard from beyond the thin fabric.

Perhaps it was the suffocating chill of winter…

Her breaths seemed as if they might cease at any moment.

-You’re the worst of them all.

As she quietly drowned in the silence of the season, a resentful whisper reached her ears.

It was a dreadful hallucination.

The girl’s shoulders trembled slightly.

A sharply pointed awl slowly pierced her heart.

-Why… why do you hate me so much…?

Margaret wavered precariously.

She wanted to scream, to cover her ears, but she didn't.

She believed she didn't even have the right to such resistance.

The girl simply accepted it.

The teeth of the nightmares that gnawed and tore at her flesh.

-You don’t know anything.

Those words stung more than any other.

And it was true.

She knew nothing.

The burgeoning tendrils of memory represented only pain.

-Run away, Raiden!!

-I’m, sor…ry… our… our… chil…dren…

The Duchess, impaled by several swords, yet still managing a smile.

And then, she vanished in a blaze of red.

The young boy stood frozen before the gruesome scene.

His pitiful cheeks were stained with splattered blood.

A nostalgic scent.

-It’s all… It’s all my fault.

-If Mother hadn’t loved me… this wouldn’t have happened…

Haunted by the loneliness of his past.

The boy’s wounds, misunderstood by those around him, slowly festered.

-...I should have died back then.

Finally, the pain erupted, bursting forth like yellow pus from a festering wound.

The boy was afraid.

Afraid that those he loved would suffer because of him.

So he pushed everyone away.

His foolishness solidified into monstrous pain, following closely behind the tragedy.

The heart that had yearned to protect someone…

Had become a blade that inflicted only pain.

“…Raiden.”

What saddened Margaret the most was that she hadn't noticed the boy's scars.

She should have stayed by his side, no matter what.

Yet, consumed by the betrayal he had so carefully crafted, she had turned her back on him.

And that wasn't all.

She had even shown him her hatred.

Using the wound in her own heart as justification, she had lashed out at him as if her suspicions were entirely justified.

And so, the boy was driven to the edge of the abyss.

-I didn’t ask for much.

-I never expected kindness from any of you, nor did I want some grand gesture of gratitude…

All you had ever wished for…

-Was to not be hated.

But everything had gone wrong.

The tenacious knot of ill-fated connection tightened mercilessly around his neck.

She had finally let go of the rope she had been clinging to…

But it was already too late. The boy was broken beyond repair.

-Why… Why did you… save me…?

-I… I can’t do this anymore.

-I just want it all to end.

The boy’s whispered resignation pierced her heart.

The once pure white fabric of her affection was now stained crimson, riddled with countless cuts.

And so, the girl lost her first love.

Her feelings for the boy seemed to solidify, not with affection, but with guilt.

Margaret let out a shaky breath.

A single tear escaped her lips and traced a path down her cheek.

“What have I done…?”

Even though she now knew the truth about the boy’s past…

All she felt was guilt.

She should have been furious. Furious that he had deceived her, that he had turned her world upside down.

Yet, not a single spark of anger ignited within her.

Perhaps it was because of the lingering affection she held for him.

The emotions she had tried so hard to bury beneath a mountain of hatred were now resurfacing, demanding to be acknowledged.

“I… What have I…”

The name of this emotion was love-hate.

On the surface, it might have seemed like hatred, but…

At its core, it was love.

Unfortunately, it was true.

She was still in love with him.

Margaret had realized it far too late.

Only when things had reached their breaking point did her long-hidden feelings reveal themselves.

“Ha… Ha…”

Her breath hitched in her chest.

It felt as if she had been plunged into a world devoid of even a single breath of air.

Margaret clutched at her hair.

The hallucinations intensified with each passing moment.

She was on the verge of a breakdown.

Her beautiful silver hair was now a tangled mess from her restless hands.

‘…This can’t go on.’

The girl threw off the blanket that had been cocooning her.

She got out of bed.

She felt like she would go insane if she didn't get some fresh air.

Her weak legs hit the floor.

Margaret stumbled towards the door and opened it.

“…”

The hallway was already shrouded in darkness.

The girl made her way through it, her steps faltering.

Her destination was the terrace on the second floor of the mansion.

It was a place she often sought solace in whenever life became too overwhelming.

And tonight was no different.

-Whooooosh…

A gust of winter wind greeted her as she stepped onto the terrace.

The girl gasped for breath.

Her breaths were ragged and uneven, as if she had just barely managed to escape from drowning.

“Ha…”

Her fingers trembled slightly.

Margaret quickly looked away, trying to ignore them.

Her blurry vision settled on the scenery before her.

It was a nostalgic sight.

The terrace where she had spent so many happy hours with Raiden during their childhood.

Now, beneath the same night sky that held so many painful memories, the girl bit her lip.

Even the passing season seemed to weep with sorrow.

As she stood there, lost in her thoughts, a faint voice reached her ears.

-…understand.

Margaret flinched.

She recognized the voice instantly.

It seemed she wasn’t alone on the terrace tonight.

-Young Master Lishite.

-Yes, Your Excellency.

-Do you resent me?

-How could you even suggest such a thing?

-Your relationship with Margaret… Couldn’t it have been something more…?

The girl quickly ducked behind a curtain.

Fortunately, it seemed they hadn’t noticed her presence.

She held her breath.

Margaret remained silent as a mouse, eavesdropping on their conversation.

-Margaret… We’ve hurt that child deeply.

Their conversation continued.

They were discussing “that incident” from the past.

It was a shocking topic, to say the least.

But Margaret found herself strangely calm as she listened to them.

“Ugh…”

No, “calm” wasn’t the right word.

The girl clenched her fists, fighting back tears.

She wanted to cry, to scream, but the fear of being discovered kept her rooted to the spot.

Hearing them speak so openly about their regrets… it only made her feel worse.

Her eyes welled up with tears.

-Have pity on Margaret. She’s a child who has already suffered enough.

-…I’ll try my best.

-That’s all I ask.

By the time the Duke had finished speaking and left the terrace…

Margaret was on the verge of sobbing.

Her lip, bitten raw, held the same fragile beauty as a frost flower.

-Is it even possible… for us to forgive each other… and move on?

The boy sighed, his figure silhouetted against the dark sky.

Raiden glanced up at the stars for a moment, then lowered his gaze.

-What do you think, Your Highness?

His dark eyes were fixed on the curtain.

Or rather, on the girl hiding behind it.

Margaret hesitated for a moment, her heart pounding in her chest, then slowly emerged from behind the curtain.

“…Raiden.”

Her voice was thick with unshed tears.

Sadness, fear, guilt…

A torrent of emotions swirled within her.

But even as she stood there, trembling before him, the boy remained calm.

“It’s been a while, Your Highness.”

It had been a long time indeed.

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